Topic started per Emma's request and off topics from http://www.ozpolitic.com/forum/YaBB.pl?num=1470821443 moved here.

Hmm well I don't see the posts Setanta, but I will proceed.

What do you think about being in partnership with a loved one?

Do you think a partnership requires sexual fidelity?  Are you expecting your partner to be faithful to you and you alone.?

How important is it that your partner is true and doesn't have a bit on the side. Is  honesty important to you.?

People on another post say they are true to their partner, even when members  :) of the opposite sex offer a good time.

So I thought to give a chance for people to discuss it here.

IS FIDELITY IMPORTANT TO YOU?

Emma wrote on Aug 13^th, 2016 at 11:14pm:

Hmm well I don't see the posts Setanta, but I will proceed. What do you think about being in partnership with a loved one? Do you think a partnership requires sexual fidelity?  Are you expecting your partner to be faithful to you and you alone.? How important is it that your partner is true and doesn't have a bit on the side. Is  honesty important to you.? People on another post say they are true to their partner, even when members  :) of the opposite sex offer a good time. So I thought to give a chance for people to discuss it here. IS FIDELITY IMPORTANT TO YOU?

I reckon there needs to be some clarification on what the words highlighted are defining.

Sorry the other posts aren't showing up. I can't move them myself, so bit of a slow start here.

Hey Setanta,  can you post them here please.

I'll offer my opinion anyway.

Having been married for 17 years, and now long divorced, I experienced the lowest feeling in my life, was stunned in fact, to realise my husband had been getting into relationships with other women. Usually women with children. He would get involved with them, then disappear. I had a phone call or two from a woman in Canberra, who wanted to know where he was, because her son adored him and was very upset.

I was bewildered. Why would she call our home asking for him? He had gone down there to catch up with family and friends, he told me. He wasn't working  BAD BACK, and I worked fulltime.
EVEN THEN, I didn't believe the implications of those calls.  When I asked him about it, he said she was a crazy who was friends with his friends.

I never thought he would do that.   

Aussie wrote on Aug 13^th, 2016 at 11:20pm:

Emma wrote on Aug 13th, 2016 at 11:14pm: Hmm well I don't see the posts Setanta, but I will proceed. What do you think about being in partnership with a loved one? Do you think a partnership requires sexual fidelity?  Are you expecting your partner to be faithful to you and you alone.? How important is it that your partner is true and doesn't have a bit on the side. Is  honesty important to you.? People on another post say they are true to their partner, even when members  :) of the opposite sex offer a good time. So I thought to give a chance for people to discuss it here. IS FIDELITY IMPORTANT TO YOU? I reckon there needs to be some clarification on what the words highlighted are defining.

Essentially I am talking about being in a monogamous relationship, married or not. Long term partners in other words.

Faithful and fidelity mean only having sexual relations with your partner. Your loved one. Hope that clarifies it for you Aussie.

I have some advice for people who believe their partner has been true to them.

I find that we essentially think that our partners are of the same mind as us.  Never having been unfaithful myself, and never having thought about 'straying' I just thought it natural that my partner was in the same frame.

I married the guy after all, and I guess I was really naïve to believe it worked both ways. Mutual in other words.

Silly me.  My advice?  If your partner is jealous and possessive, and may seem to question your own faithfulness, beware.
People tend to think their view of the marriage or partnership...( lets just call it partnership OK) is shared by their partner.  So a cheater , knowing their own lack of fidelity, thinks that applies to their partner as well. 
After all, they are doing it and their own behaviour is projected onto their partner.

Emma wrote on Aug 13^th, 2016 at 11:14pm:

Hmm well I don't see the posts Setanta, but I will proceed. What do you think about being in partnership with a loved one? Do you think a partnership requires sexual fidelity?  Are you expecting your partner to be faithful to you and you alone.? How important is it that your partner is true and doesn't have a bit on the side. Is  honesty important to you.? People on another post say they are true to their partner, even when members  :) of the opposite sex offer a good time. So I thought to give a chance for people to discuss it here. IS FIDELITY IMPORTANT TO YOU?

It is to me, yes.

:) Me too obviously.

I know that may seem old- fashioned to some ,  but TRUST is all-important in a relationship, and I took it for granted. I trusted him.
I didn't recognise the signs. Even when he left me for another woman, with whom he had apparently been in a relationship with for some yrs, :o I was utterly stunned. Seems everyone else knew about it but me. DOH How stupid was I?
Sigh.

rhino wrote on Aug 12^th, 2016 at 11:55pm:

Emma wrote on Aug 12th, 2016 at 11:07pm: that's right, and I don't have a beard, or a moustache . Neither it seems does Rhino. :) I find body hair ugly. I shave most of mine

Guess you are just ugly all over and trying to disguise the fact.

Emma wrote on Aug 13^th, 2016 at 12:00am:

Setanta wrote on Aug 12th, 2016 at 11:53pm: Emma wrote on Aug 12th, 2016 at 11:51pm: come on Setanta,  you name yourself after that Dog in Celtic tales, do you not?. Just acknowledging that. No harm intended.  Ever. Oh.. OK. Didn't get it. edit: In that case FD must be Mr Smith. ;D reference?   :) Not Lost in Space... wasn't that Dr Smith?  :)

Or the Mr from Mr and Mrs Smith.. the assassin. :)

Emma wrote on Aug 13^th, 2016 at 12:00am:

Setanta wrote on Aug 12th, 2016 at 11:53pm: Emma wrote on Aug 12th, 2016 at 11:51pm: come on Setanta,  you name yourself after that Dog in Celtic tales, do you not?. Just acknowledging that. No harm intended.  Ever. Oh.. OK. Didn't get it. edit: In that case FD must be Mr Smith. ;D reference?   :) Not Lost in Space... wasn't that Dr Smith?  :)

Hound of Culann, the smith.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/C%C3%BA_Chulainn

Emma wrote on Aug 13^th, 2016 at 12:02am:

rhino wrote on Aug 12th, 2016 at 11:55pm: Emma wrote on Aug 12th, 2016 at 11:07pm: that's right, and I don't have a beard, or a moustache . Neither it seems does Rhino. :) I find body hair ugly. I shave most of mine Guess you are just ugly all over and trying to disguise the fact.

Thats mean. But Im a very attractive man actually. women throw themselves at me. Real women, not drunken skanks. Its a problem for me.

Setanta wrote on Aug 13^th, 2016 at 12:06am:

Emma wrote on Aug 13th, 2016 at 12:00am: Setanta wrote on Aug 12th, 2016 at 11:53pm: Emma wrote on Aug 12th, 2016 at 11:51pm: come on Setanta,  you name yourself after that Dog in Celtic tales, do you not?. Just acknowledging that. No harm intended.  Ever. Oh.. OK. Didn't get it. edit: In that case FD must be Mr Smith. ;D reference?   :) Not Lost in Space... wasn't that Dr Smith?  :) Hound of Culann, the smith. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/C%C3%BA_Chulainn

Got me.

rhino wrote on Aug 13^th, 2016 at 12:08am:

Emma wrote on Aug 13th, 2016 at 12:02am: rhino wrote on Aug 12th, 2016 at 11:55pm: Emma wrote on Aug 12th, 2016 at 11:07pm: that's right, and I don't have a beard, or a moustache . Neither it seems does Rhino. :) I find body hair ugly. I shave most of mine Guess you are just ugly all over and trying to disguise the fact. Thats mean. But Im a very attractive man actually. women throw themselves at me. Real women, not drunken skanks. Its a problem for me.

Yeah right. ::) ::) ;D

rhino wrote on Aug 13^th, 2016 at 12:08am:

Emma wrote on Aug 13th, 2016 at 12:02am: rhino wrote on Aug 12th, 2016 at 11:55pm: Emma wrote on Aug 12th, 2016 at 11:07pm: that's right, and I don't have a beard, or a moustache . Neither it seems does Rhino. :) I find body hair ugly. I shave most of mine Guess you are just ugly all over and trying to disguise the fact. Thats mean. But Im a very attractive man actually. women throw themselves at me. Real women, not drunken skanks. Its a problem for me.

What do drunken skanks have against you? ;)

Emma wrote on Aug 13^th, 2016 at 12:10am:

Setanta wrote on Aug 13th, 2016 at 12:06am: Emma wrote on Aug 13th, 2016 at 12:00am: Setanta wrote on Aug 12th, 2016 at 11:53pm: Emma wrote on Aug 12th, 2016 at 11:51pm: come on Setanta,  you name yourself after that Dog in Celtic tales, do you not?. Just acknowledging that. No harm intended.  Ever. Oh.. OK. Didn't get it. edit: In that case FD must be Mr Smith. ;D reference?   :) Not Lost in Space... wasn't that Dr Smith?  :) Hound of Culann, the smith. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/C%C3%BA_Chulainn Got me.

I love the old stories,
they resonate with me,
but the modern world
occupies my sanity.

Setanta wrote on Aug 13^th, 2016 at 12:14am:

rhino wrote on Aug 13th, 2016 at 12:08am: Emma wrote on Aug 13th, 2016 at 12:02am: rhino wrote on Aug 12th, 2016 at 11:55pm: Emma wrote on Aug 12th, 2016 at 11:07pm: that's right, and I don't have a beard, or a moustache . Neither it seems does Rhino. :) I find body hair ugly. I shave most of mine Guess you are just ugly all over and trying to disguise the fact. Thats mean. But Im a very attractive man actually. women throw themselves at me. Real women, not drunken skanks. Its a problem for me. What do drunken skanks have against you? ;)

:) :) ;D

Setanta wrote on Aug 13^th, 2016 at 12:14am:

rhino wrote on Aug 13th, 2016 at 12:08am: Emma wrote on Aug 13th, 2016 at 12:02am: rhino wrote on Aug 12th, 2016 at 11:55pm: Emma wrote on Aug 12th, 2016 at 11:07pm: that's right, and I don't have a beard, or a moustache . Neither it seems does Rhino. :) I find body hair ugly. I shave most of mine Guess you are just ugly all over and trying to disguise the fact. Thats mean. But Im a very attractive man actually. women throw themselves at me. Real women, not drunken skanks. Its a problem for me. What do drunken skanks have against you? ;)

Dont get me wrong, the odd one gives it a go, my look of utter disdain generally wards them off. Im being serious,  , women come up and literally offer themselves to me. I am a faithful partner and it is an issue for me.

rhino wrote on Aug 13^th, 2016 at 12:20am:

Setanta wrote on Aug 13th, 2016 at 12:14am: rhino wrote on Aug 13th, 2016 at 12:08am: Emma wrote on Aug 13th, 2016 at 12:02am: rhino wrote on Aug 12th, 2016 at 11:55pm: Emma wrote on Aug 12th, 2016 at 11:07pm: that's right, and I don't have a beard, or a moustache . Neither it seems does Rhino. :) I find body hair ugly. I shave most of mine Guess you are just ugly all over and trying to disguise the fact. Thats mean. But Im a very attractive man actually. women throw themselves at me. Real women, not drunken skanks. Its a problem for me. What do drunken skanks have against you? ;) Dont get me wrong, the odd one gives it a go, my look of utter disdain generally wards them off. Im being serious,  , women come up and literally offer themselves to me. I am a faithful partner and it is an issue for me.

Don't worry it will dissipate as time goes by.

Get you wrong..???   :) ;D  I don't think so.

Women throw themselves at your feet. ???  ;D ;D ;D ;D

I guess that's before you open your mouth.  :) But even then... some things are excusable... IF you perform.  :)

You are a tart aren't you.?  :)

Setanta wrote on Aug 13^th, 2016 at 12:22am:

rhino wrote on Aug 13th, 2016 at 12:20am: Setanta wrote on Aug 13th, 2016 at 12:14am: rhino wrote on Aug 13th, 2016 at 12:08am: Emma wrote on Aug 13th, 2016 at 12:02am: rhino wrote on Aug 12th, 2016 at 11:55pm: Emma wrote on Aug 12th, 2016 at 11:07pm: that's right, and I don't have a beard, or a moustache . Neither it seems does Rhino. :) I find body hair ugly. I shave most of mine Guess you are just ugly all over and trying to disguise the fact. Thats mean. But Im a very attractive man actually. women throw themselves at me. Real women, not drunken skanks. Its a problem for me. What do drunken skanks have against you? ;) Dont get me wrong, the odd one gives it a go, my look of utter disdain generally wards them off. Im being serious,  , women come up and literally offer themselves to me. I am a faithful partner and it is an issue for me. Don't worry it will dissipate as time goes by.

:) Yes.. time is the great equaliser.

rhino wrote on Aug 13^th, 2016 at 12:20am:

Setanta wrote on Aug 13th, 2016 at 12:14am: rhino wrote on Aug 13th, 2016 at 12:08am: Emma wrote on Aug 13th, 2016 at 12:02am: rhino wrote on Aug 12th, 2016 at 11:55pm: Emma wrote on Aug 12th, 2016 at 11:07pm: that's right, and I don't have a beard, or a moustache . Neither it seems does Rhino. :) I find body hair ugly. I shave most of mine Guess you are just ugly all over and trying to disguise the fact. Thats mean. But Im a very attractive man actually. women throw themselves at me. Real women, not drunken skanks. Its a problem for me. What do drunken skanks have against you? ;) Dont get me wrong, the odd one gives it a go, my look of utter disdain generally wards them off. Im being serious,  , women come up and literally offer themselves to me. I am a faithful partner and it is an issue for me.

Lol.

yep LOL

Emma wrote on Aug 13^th, 2016 at 12:23am:

Get you wrong..???   :) ;D  I don't think so. Women throw themselves at your feet. ???  ;D ;D ;D ;D I guess that's before you open your mouth.  :) But even then... some things are excusable... IF you perform.  :) You are a tart aren't you.?  :)

i dont play around. I have a partner. 

FBI profiler Starling is here.

rhino wrote on Aug 13^th, 2016 at 12:49am:

Emma wrote on Aug 13th, 2016 at 12:23am: Get you wrong..???   :) ;D  I don't think so. Women throw themselves at your feet. ???  ;D ;D ;D ;D I guess that's before you open your mouth.  :) But even then... some things are excusable... IF you perform.  :) You are a tart aren't you.?  :) i dont play around. I have a partner.

grab your partner dosey doe
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fFskdWvq0wk

Well I respect that Rhino.

Perhaps you walk the walk.. and are true.

MANY men, including my former partner, are not so true.
They think a little on the side hurts no-one, or couldn't care less.
How wrong they are.

Emma wrote on Aug 13^th, 2016 at 1:02am:

Well I respect that Rhino. Perhaps you walk the walk.. and are true. MANY men, including my former partner, are not so true. They think a little on the side hurts no-one. How wrong they are.

It's not that uncommon Em, I've never strayed. He has my kudos for it.

I believe you Setanta and respect you..

And.. I think the last several posts should be moved from this topic to Relationships. They are not on topic. Perhaps a new topic ? in Relationships.. Fidelity in Partnerships.?

I've never cheated and to the best of my knowledge, I've never been cheated on.

Emma wrote on Aug 13^th, 2016 at 1:12am:

And.. I think the last several posts should be moved from this topic to Relationships. They are not on topic. Perhaps a new topic ? in Relationships.. Fidelity in Partnerships.?

If you want to start one I'll see about moving relevant off topics if the posters agree..

I agree

Setanta wrote on Aug 13^th, 2016 at 1:05am:

Emma wrote on Aug 13th, 2016 at 1:02am: Well I respect that Rhino. Perhaps you walk the walk.. and are true. MANY men, including my former partner, are not so true. They think a little on the side hurts no-one. How wrong they are. It's not that uncommon Em, I've never strayed. He has my kudos for it.

i dont respect men who cheat. We were born with a brain for a reason, yes?

Yes indeed. I  don't commit unless I mean it, and I expect no less from my partner.

The last 27 Posts were moved here from General Board by Setanta.

Sorry all for the lack of time to finish the move of posts, I was almost there. I have been on the phone with son and gson in Melbourne.

Emma wrote on Aug 13^th, 2016 at 1:02am:

Well I respect that Rhino. Perhaps you walk the walk.. and are true. MANY men, including my former partner, are not so true. They think a little on the side hurts no-one, or couldn't care less. How wrong they are.

My experience is few men are unfaithful.
As many women are cheaters.

Its all good Setanta.

Understand and it's up now.  :)

Sprintcyclist wrote on Aug 14^th, 2016 at 12:36am:

Emma wrote on Aug 13th, 2016 at 1:02am: Well I respect that Rhino. Perhaps you walk the walk.. and are true. MANY men, including my former partner, are not so true. They think a little on the side hurts no-one, or couldn't care less. How wrong they are. My experience is few men are unfaithful. As many women are cheaters.

Well being a woman, I can only say what I have experienced, and yeah women cheat too.

IT isn't good for a relationship though, is it?

Emma wrote on Aug 14^th, 2016 at 12:40am:

Sprintcyclist wrote on Aug 14th, 2016 at 12:36am: Emma wrote on Aug 13th, 2016 at 1:02am: Well I respect that Rhino. Perhaps you walk the walk.. and are true. MANY men, including my former partner, are not so true. They think a little on the side hurts no-one, or couldn't care less. How wrong they are. My experience is few men are unfaithful. As many women are cheaters. Well being a woman, I can only say what I have experienced, and yeah women cheat too. IT isn't good for a relationship though, is it?

Kinda scary how often men are cuckolded.

Emma wrote on Aug 14^th, 2016 at 12:40am:

Sprintcyclist wrote on Aug 14th, 2016 at 12:36am: Emma wrote on Aug 13th, 2016 at 1:02am: Well I respect that Rhino. Perhaps you walk the walk.. and are true. MANY men, including my former partner, are not so true. They think a little on the side hurts no-one, or couldn't care less. How wrong they are. My experience is few men are unfaithful. As many women are cheaters. Well being a woman, I can only say what I have experienced, and yeah women cheat too. IT isn't good for a relationship though, is it?

nah, it js bad for a relationship.


Normally by that time the woman has emotionally left the relationship years ago.

She stopped giving her man any support a decade ago.

yep sad but true

It seems I need more practice at moving things. I'll neaten it up..

I have no doubts. Cheers

What also bugs me is, what about that other person that is shagging a married person ?

They are as much responsible.

It is really down to the married person don't you think?  I have heard from married men on the prowl.. their mantra is.. My wife doesn't understand me, we aren't even really together anymore. Lets ****, I'd feel so much happier.

I mean,, they play the pity game. The I'm unhappily married game.

If the person being importuned wants to believe that, then it happens. Only the married person needs to feel responsible, in that sort of situation, don't you think?

What do you think?

It takes 2 people to have an affair, is my aspect.


Sure, maybe    
......'my wife doesn't understand me, we aren't even really together anymore. Lets ****, I'd feel so much happier..........'

that is a married man you are talking to.

Emma wrote on Aug 14^th, 2016 at 10:05pm:

It is really down to the married person don't you think?  I have heard from married men on the prowl.. their mantra is.. My wife doesn't understand me, we aren't even really together anymore. Lets ****, I'd feel so much happier. I mean,, they play the pity game. The I'm unhappily married game. If the person being importuned wants to believe that, then it happens. Only the married person needs to feel responsible, in that sort of situation, don't you think? What do you think?

Yes. If they are both married though...

two cheaters cheating their spouses, in full knowledge of it.

The excitement of the illicit.

Emma wrote on Aug 14^th, 2016 at 10:27pm:

two cheaters cheating their spouses, in full knowledge of it. The excitement of the illicit.

I had a girlfriend when I was a teen that contacted me on facefook, we talk every now and then,  she's offered to fly over for a fling. Nope, no excitement of the illicit.

Setanta wrote on Aug 14^th, 2016 at 10:35pm:

Emma wrote on Aug 14th, 2016 at 10:27pm: two cheaters cheating their spouses, in full knowledge of it. The excitement of the illicit. I had a girlfriend when I was a teen that contacted me on facefook, we talk every now and then,  she's offered to fly over for a fling. Nope, no excitement of the illicit.

Ah.......but does Mrs Setanta know that you are in current communication with her and that she has offered the fling?

Aussie wrote on Aug 14^th, 2016 at 10:43pm:

Setanta wrote on Aug 14th, 2016 at 10:35pm: Emma wrote on Aug 14th, 2016 at 10:27pm: two cheaters cheating their spouses, in full knowledge of it. The excitement of the illicit. I had a girlfriend when I was a teen that contacted me on facefook, we talk every now and then,  she's offered to fly over for a fling. Nope, no excitement of the illicit. Ah.......but does Mrs Setanta know that you are in current communication with her and that she has offered the fling?

Certainly. She my best friend. Who else would tell first?

Setanta wrote on Aug 14^th, 2016 at 10:35pm:

Emma wrote on Aug 14th, 2016 at 10:27pm: two cheaters cheating their spouses, in full knowledge of it. The excitement of the illicit. I had a girlfriend when I was a teen that contacted me on facefook, we talk every now and then,  she's offered to fly over for a fling. Nope, no excitement of the illicit.

Because you are true. You believe in that, and are not a cheater.

Setanta wrote on Aug 14^th, 2016 at 10:46pm:

Aussie wrote on Aug 14th, 2016 at 10:43pm: Setanta wrote on Aug 14th, 2016 at 10:35pm: Emma wrote on Aug 14th, 2016 at 10:27pm: two cheaters cheating their spouses, in full knowledge of it. The excitement of the illicit. I had a girlfriend when I was a teen that contacted me on facefook, we talk every now and then,  she's offered to fly over for a fling. Nope, no excitement of the illicit. Ah.......but does Mrs Setanta know that you are in current communication with her and that she has offered the fling? Certainly. She my best friend. Who else would tell first?

Reaction?

Aussie wrote on Aug 14^th, 2016 at 11:02pm:

Setanta wrote on Aug 14th, 2016 at 10:46pm: Aussie wrote on Aug 14th, 2016 at 10:43pm: Setanta wrote on Aug 14th, 2016 at 10:35pm: Emma wrote on Aug 14th, 2016 at 10:27pm: two cheaters cheating their spouses, in full knowledge of it. The excitement of the illicit. I had a girlfriend when I was a teen that contacted me on facefook, we talk every now and then,  she's offered to fly over for a fling. Nope, no excitement of the illicit. Ah.......but does Mrs Setanta know that you are in current communication with her and that she has offered the fling? Certainly. She my best friend. Who else would tell first? Reaction?

One of those wifey looks I have no idea how to describe. Not concerned, not angry, something else...  Maybe, why are you telling me this?

Maybe...........where are the scissors?

:D

Aussie wrote on Aug 14^th, 2016 at 11:39pm:

Maybe...........where are the scissors? :D

;D

She's not the Lorena Bobbitt type, she'd just walk.

Honesty is ALWAYS the best policy.

You know that Setanta.  Aussie?  maybe not so much.

But we live to learn a lesson everyday. :)

Emma wrote on Aug 15^th, 2016 at 12:06am:

Honesty is ALWAYS the best policy. You know that Setanta.  Aussie?  maybe not so much. But we live to learn a lesson everyday. :)

What would your reaction be to your partner remaining in contact with a former sexual partner who was urging for an encore?

You see fidelity not just about your dog Austrian is it?

A girlfriend from the teen years??  Understanding we are talking about people who are now grandparents..?

I wouldn't feel threatened, or mistrusting that's for sure.

And the fact that my partner told me about it?? not a problem at all. Nothing wrong with catching up on-line with friends from yesteryears.



 

ItsAllAboutMe wrote on Aug 15^th, 2016 at 12:17am:

You see fidelity not just about your dog Austrian is it?

:)

Aussie wrote on Aug 15^th, 2016 at 12:10am:

Emma wrote on Aug 15th, 2016 at 12:06am: Honesty is ALWAYS the best policy. You know that Setanta.  Aussie?  maybe not so much. But we live to learn a lesson everyday. :) What would your reaction be to your partner remaining in contact with a former sexual partner who was urging for an encore?

It's not an ex-sexual partner. To answer your q though, uncomfortable but I would not stop her from talking to him. She still gets phone calls from one guy she knew as a teenager.

I am not in a relationship...  let me make that clear .

But, if I were, and an old boyfriend from my teens, whether or not sex was involved, and hey I didn't have sex with all my boyFRIENDS anyway, got in contact thru Facebook, I would enjoy talking to them, AND I would feel free to talk about it with my partner.  There no harm in it, and ONLY those who feel they can't trust their partners would think otherwise.

Emma wrote on Aug 15^th, 2016 at 12:43am:

I am not in a relationship...  let me make that clear . But, if I were, and an old boyfriend from my teens, whether or not sex was involved, and hey I didn't have sex with all my boyFRIENDS anyway, got in contact thru Facebook, I would enjoy talking to them, AND I would feel free to talk about it with my partner.  There no harm in it, and ONLY those who feel they can't trust their partners would think otherwise.

:-*

;D

Setanta wrote on Aug 15^th, 2016 at 12:45am:

Emma wrote on Aug 15th, 2016 at 12:43am: I am not in a relationship...  let me make that clear . But, if I were, and an old boyfriend from my teens, whether or not sex was involved, and hey I didn't have sex with all my boyFRIENDS anyway, got in contact thru Facebook, I would enjoy talking to them, AND I would feel free to talk about it with my partner.  There no harm in it, and ONLY those who feel they can't trust their partners would think otherwise. :-* ;D

I'd show my wife that post too but she'd just call me out. "Don't be a dick"

:) Understandable.... ;)

Emma wrote on Aug 15^th, 2016 at 12:57am:

:) Understandable.... ;)

Actually her most often quip is, "that's not funny", you know with a drop in tone at the end? She says it when she knows it's funny but doesn't want it to be.

Well no actually Setanta, I don't know.. you'd know better than I, IF you listen to your partner.
Not my life. Not my concern

yippeeyioh kyyay.  ( Clicks heels together) :)

Emma wrote on Aug 15^th, 2016 at 1:14am:

Well no actually Setanta, I don't know.. you'd know better than I, IF you listen to your partner. Not my life. Not my concern yippeeyioh kyyay.  ( Clicks heels together) :)

Bugger, I'll have to list it with those looks you can't quite...

Setanta wrote on Aug 15^th, 2016 at 2:13am:

Emma wrote on Aug 15th, 2016 at 1:14am: Well no actually Setanta, I don't know.. you'd know better than I, IF you listen to your partner. Not my life. Not my concern yippeeyioh kyyay.  ( Clicks heels together) :) Bugger, I'll have to list it with those looks you can't quite...

Aww Get a Room  Santana...

ItsAllAboutMe wrote on Aug 15^th, 2016 at 2:30am:

Setanta wrote on Aug 15th, 2016 at 2:13am: Emma wrote on Aug 15th, 2016 at 1:14am: Well no actually Setanta, I don't know.. you'd know better than I, IF you listen to your partner. Not my life. Not my concern yippeeyioh kyyay.  ( Clicks heels together) :) Bugger, I'll have to list it with those looks you can't quite... Aww Get a Room  Santana...

Not looking for bit on the side but how much are you asking for if I was?

Heh you're onE of the new Gmods Santana...I know you're a bit of a blow in but could you tell me how an old timer like myself gets banned even tho he hasn't really been on line lately?..Is it my politics?..If you've got the balls ...could you PM me?...

Emma wrote on Aug 15^th, 2016 at 12:43am:

I am not in a relationship...  let me make that clear . But, if I were, and an old boyfriend from my teens, whether or not sex was involved, and hey I didn't have sex with all my boyFRIENDS anyway, got in contact thru Facebook, I would enjoy talking to them, AND I would feel free to talk about it with my partner.  There no harm in it, and ONLY those who feel they can't trust their partners would think otherwise.

A few years back an old girlfriend from Surfers Paradise contacted me via my Gmail account. This was before I had a Facebook account. We have no mutual friends. There is no one she could have asked for my email address yet there was an email from her with the opening line, "Is this my old friend ...?" Maybe she found it somewhere online. Maybe she simply tried all various combinations of my name with the @gmail.com domain she could think of and got lucky (not hard really - my email address is simply last name dot first name @gmail.com). Maybe she hired a private detective.

She was clearly still in love with me despite being married to a Canadian and living in Toronto. Her email was full of questions and looked like she was intent on reestablishing some sort of connection with me. Then she disappeared. Completely. Would not reply to my emails. Either her husband found out or guilt got the best of her. It was all innocent as far as I was concerned and had no interest in any sort of sexual relationship, cyber or physical or even flirting. Honestly, she never meant anything to me but it was good to hear from her and I was genuinely glad she has a good life.

Later we connected on Facebook but she has never sent me a message and I have never sent one to her ...

All Mods have a responsibility to account for themselves..if you can't do this then not only aren't you a mod but you are not a man...you cannot hide behind the internet...you have a responsibility to explain your actions..if not on a thread then at least in a PM...I expect at least that..if you can't come up with that then I will expose you on here....IP blocking means nothing in this day and age

ItsAllAboutMe wrote on Aug 15^th, 2016 at 2:50am:

All Mods have a responsibility to account for themselves..if you can't do this then not only aren't you a mod but you are not a man...you cannot hide behind the internet...you have a responsibility to explain your actions..if not on a thread then at least in a PM...I expect at least that..if you can't come up with that then I will expose you on here....IP blocking means nothing in this day and age

who ARE you. Go away. This NOT about you at all.

crash

Fidelity

to play devils advocate (and no, I have never strayed)

often if there is infidelity it's because one of the parties is missing something from the relationship. They go looking for it elsewhere.

Well I'd agree with that.... recognition of that lack should lead to something more positive than cheating on your partner. Better realise that by dissolving the partnership, than to go on in a dysfunctional pairing, because ultimately it will fall apart anyway. But years of life can be wasted in denial.

Speaking from experience here. :)
It becomes a battle... who is the stubbornnest, who is the faithless one. That's why we see so many many bad relationships, when love twists in contempt and even hate.

Emma wrote on Aug 16^th, 2016 at 9:05pm:

recognition of that lack should lead to something more positive than cheating on your partner

but often they don't recognise the fact until they have cheated. They know they need something, they know they're unhappy about something, but they love their partner and can't quite grasp what it is that's missing until they're getting it from somewhere else.

John Smith wrote on Aug 16^th, 2016 at 8:47pm:

Fidelity to play devils advocate (and no, I have never strayed) often if there is infidelity it's because one of the parties is missing something from the relationship. They go looking for it elsewhere.

Missing something within themselves, actually

PZ547 wrote on Aug 17^th, 2016 at 3:32pm:

John Smith wrote on Aug 16th, 2016 at 8:47pm: Fidelity to play devils advocate (and no, I have never strayed) often if there is infidelity it's because one of the parties is missing something from the relationship. They go looking for it elsewhere. Missing something within themselves, actually

That suggests you are single, ZXLX796, yeas?

Aussie wrote on Aug 17^th, 2016 at 3:37pm:

PZ547 wrote on Aug 17th, 2016 at 3:32pm: John Smith wrote on Aug 16th, 2016 at 8:47pm: Fidelity to play devils advocate (and no, I have never strayed) often if there is infidelity it's because one of the parties is missing something from the relationship. They go looking for it elsewhere. Missing something within themselves, actually That suggests you are single, ZXLX796, yeas?

Your post suggests your interpretation of my post has gone through your personal filter


So I'll expand on my initial post:

People who stray blame their betrayed partner

Society makes that easy to do, because the meedya pushes that angle

But the truth is far simpler yet more complex than, 'They were looking for something they couldn't find within their current relationship, that's why they strayed'

No. Something is missing from within the one who strays

They'll claim they and their current partner were no long 'compatible'

They'll claim their current partner has this or that wrong with them

But they remain in jobs they don't enjoy

They remain in their original extended family very often (parents, siblings, in-laws, etc)

They stick with the same group of friends also, even though in private they'll complain about some or all of them

They'll still with the same brand of vehicle, often life long, despite the brand putting out a succession of lemons

They'll stick with the same footy team

They'll stick with the same political team

It's their current partner (and all their previous partners) they won't stick with.  Work that out

Why do they stray?  Dozens of reasons and they'll drone on about them for hours if you let them

Bottom line -- what did they do to salvage their current relationship before straying?

Did they inform their current partner beforehand that they intended to stray?

usually they dodge those questions


Some people get into a relationship in order to sabotage it and hurt someone.  And kids are considered by those people to be collateral damage

They go through life screwing people over.  It's how they gain a feeling of power

and they need that feeling of power (although they'd be the last to recognize what they're all about) because they are inadequate

a series of shallow relationships is all they can handle

Then they get old and no one wants them.  So they moan some more with no one to listen

Relationships aren't a box of Krispy Kreme donuts.  Relationships aren't a hot weekend.  Relationships aren't a part-time, casual job

People want to stray, fine. They must pay the costs. But before they stray, they need to nail their flag to the mast and come clean with their partner, as in, 'Hey babe, I wanna screw this guy/girl at work'

Anything less is gutless and the mark of someone who gets more 'reward' from the fuss, pain and attention they'll gain from their betrayal than from the actual screwing of someone new

because as day follows night, they'll do it to the next one and next one and next one

A relationship is a contract.  Honourable people honour the contracts they've signed

Relationships, like business partnerships, hire-purchase contracts, etc. can result in break-ups

But it's HOW the break-up is managed which is the mark of a human or vermin

Those who betray a partner behind that partner's back fail to make the grade

If people stepped up and made their position clear from the outset a lot of life's pain would be ameliorated

No one likes to be backstabbed in politics, sports, friendships or anything else

Infidelity is the ultimate backstab. Which is why some choose to be backstabbers.  They need to cause pain.  Because there's something wrong with, something missing, inside themselves

they yelp like angry cats when it happens to them

and it usually does

PZ547 wrote on Aug 17^th, 2016 at 4:10pm:

People who stray blame their betrayed partner

I wasn't talking about blame, compatibility or justification as to why. I'm talking about what leads one to make that decision. Many times they aren't even aware of why they stray, they only know that they do. They know it feels right at the time. Most people who are totally satisfied physically and emotionally in their relationships, will never stray.

It's usually nothing that can't be resolved with good communication skills

John Smith wrote on Aug 17^th, 2016 at 4:34pm:

PZ547 wrote on Aug 17th, 2016 at 4:10pm: People who stray blame their betrayed partner I wasn't talking about blame, compatibility or justification as to why. I'm talking about what leads one to make that decision. Many times they aren't even aware of why they stray, they only know that they do. They know it feels right at the time. Most people who are totally satisfied physically and emotionally in their relationships, will never stray. It's usually nothing that can't be resolved with good communication skills

Find that hard to believe. Really? How could they NOT BE AWARE..? They want it, and rather than try to meet their partner half-way, they stray. Like Tom Cats, not like thinking human beings.


  I think PZ547 has pretty much got it covered. A reasoned and well-written post.

John Smith wrote on Aug 17^th, 2016 at 4:34pm:

PZ547 wrote on Aug 17th, 2016 at 4:10pm: People who stray blame their betrayed partner I wasn't talking about blame, compatibility or justification as to why. I'm talking about what leads one to make that decision. Many times they aren't even aware of why they stray, they only know that they do. They know it feels right at the time. Most people who are totally satisfied physically and emotionally in their relationships, will never stray. It's usually nothing that can't be resolved with good communication skills

  Boredom creeps into relationships-simple- after many years with the same partner they want a new conquest  new thrill--not rocket science-- it is innately in most men to want to cheat, they have to fight the urge. Given the the opportunity and if they think they wont be found out, they will most likely cheat. Women the same- I am a loyal partner, so I have never cheated, but there are temptations out there and people do cave sometimes.  It doesn't have to be someones fault, boredom is boredom and as for whose fault is it- the one who is married is at fault , it is he/she who stands to lose after all- if looking for fault then that is pointless- if you don't tend the garden of marriage then if the wheels fall off well then - look at yourself no one else.

Agnes wrote on Aug 17^th, 2016 at 9:23pm:

It doesn't have to be someones fault, boredom is boredom and as for whose fault is it- the one who is married is at fault , it is he/she who stands to lose after all- if looking for fault then that is pointless- if you don't tend the garden of marriage then if the wheels fall off well then - look at yourself no one else.

Which 'self' do you mean Sarge, the married cheater or the betrayed?.

Emma wrote on Aug 17^th, 2016 at 9:43pm:

Agnes wrote on Aug 17th, 2016 at 9:23pm: It doesn't have to be someones fault, boredom is boredom and as for whose fault is it- the one who is married is at fault , it is he/she who stands to lose after all- if looking for fault then that is pointless- if you don't tend the garden of marriage then if the wheels fall off well then - look at yourself no one else. Which 'self' do you mean Sarge, the married cheater or the betrayed?.

  The one lamenting the demise of the relationship Peel.. the one who cheated is obviously having all the fun..what do you think?

If the cheating partner is having fun for now, their happiness will be short lived.
So I can only take from your reply tho, that you think the one cheated upon is the one to (blame) look at themselves.  Funny that.. a bit of a one-way street eh?

You are betrayed, you are responsible. I'll refer you back to the recent post by PZ547, whose comments are worth re-reading.

Are you saying boredom and not getting enough sex  relieves the cheater of any responsibility?. Sounds like it to me.

What about the commitments made in marriage?. Is temporary pleasure , perhaps leading to another relationship,
a sign of a decent person?. 

Emma wrote on Aug 17^th, 2016 at 9:59pm:

If the cheating partner is having fun for now, their happiness will be short lived. So I can only take from your reply tho, that you think the one cheated upon is the one to (blame) look at themselves.  Funny that.. a bit of a one-way street eh? You are betrayed, you are responsible. I'll refer you back to the recent post by PZ547, whose comments are worth re-reading. Are you saying boredom and not getting enough sex  relieves the cheater of any responsibility?. Sounds like it to me. What about the commitments made in marriage?. Is temporary pleasure , perhaps leading to another relationship, a sign of a decent person?.

  This is not a thread about fidelity this is a thread about you- I am not replying to you I am commenting generally- you are obviously still feeling hurt and you will read your own stuff into anything I write- so I am leaving this thread- and btw it takes two to mess up a relationship- cheating is a symptom of bad communication I think . Relationships are hard work..

Your interpretation of what I  said is wrong, but you are hostile and I couldn't be bothered tbh.

Oh dear, spat the dummy eh?

Why don't you answer the question.? Hmm..............?

Are you saying boredom and not getting enough sex  relieves the cheater of any responsibility?.[/quote]

If you refuse to reply then we must take from that that you are not honest enough to reply truthfully.

I did start this topic, and I have been honest in what I have posted. 

And truly, the hurt and pain caused by being betrayed by your partner is something that remains with you, probably for ever. I don't deny that at all.
On the other hand the cheater probably doesn't care, and never really did.

Sound familiar.?

No it isn't about me, and my questions to you are reasonable, but I can understand your reluctance to continue,, AGNES.
I don't think I have been hostile to you at all. perhaps posters might like to contribute.

I am hostile.?
Would  love a HONEST reply, based only on this topic,  NOT what you might feel about me personally.

I can take it. :)

i couldnt imagine cheating as "fun", thats my problem. All this incognito, skulking around and fear of getting caught that they seem to do. Too much hard work. Maybe im too lazy to cheat.

rhino wrote on Aug 17^th, 2016 at 10:44pm:

i couldnt imagine cheating as "fun", thats my problem. All this incognito, skulking around and fear of getting caught that they seem to do. Too much hard work. Maybe im too lazy to cheat.

Me either... and I did say If the cheater is having fun...  because I can't see that either. There must be a reason for it tho...

I wonder about the demographic in this.  Ferk, I'm way too comfortable in these old slippers to be remotely interested in upsettling the applecart.

Agnes wrote on Aug 17^th, 2016 at 9:23pm:

John Smith wrote on Aug 17th, 2016 at 4:34pm: PZ547 wrote on Aug 17th, 2016 at 4:10pm: People who stray blame their betrayed partner I wasn't talking about blame, compatibility or justification as to why. I'm talking about what leads one to make that decision. Many times they aren't even aware of why they stray, they only know that they do. They know it feels right at the time. Most people who are totally satisfied physically and emotionally in their relationships, will never stray. It's usually nothing that can't be resolved with good communication skills   Boredom creeps into relationships-simple- after many years with the same partner they want a new conquest  new thrill--not rocket science-- it is innately in most men to want to cheat, they have to fight the urge. Given the the opportunity and if they think they wont be found out, they will most likely cheat. Women the same- I am a loyal partner, so I have never cheated, but there are temptations out there and people do cave sometimes.  It doesn't have to be someones fault, boredom is boredom and as for whose fault is it- the one who is married is at fault , it is he/she who stands to lose after all- if looking for fault then that is pointless- if you don't tend the garden of marriage then if the wheels fall off well then - look at yourself no one else.

Some guys just love the thrill of the chase, but I think it's only true for a minority, that can't help themselves and cheat no matter what. Most guys like routine and knowing what they are coming home to. The boredom comes back to what I was saying. They're missing something from the relationship, excitement, the unknown, whatever. It's up to them to talk to their partner and try to find new ways to make it interesting.

I think that is the way to go, if you want to stay with your partner long term