This joke came through on my Facebook feed tonight 👇


A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won’t stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring.

He replies: “I have a question to ask you, but I don’t want to offend you”.

She answers, “My son, you cannot offend me. When you’re as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I’m sure that there’s nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.”

“Well, I’ve always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.” She responds, “Well, let’s see what we can do about that. But first, you have to be single and you must be Catholic.”

The cab driver is very excited and says, “Yes, I’m single and Catholic!”

“OK” the nun says. “Pull into the next alley, “maybe we will see what we can do.”

The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.

“My dear child,” said the nun, “why are you crying?”

“Forgive me, but I’ve sinned. I lied. I must confess, I’m married and I’m Jewish.”

The nun says, “That’s OK, my name is Kevin and I’m going to a Halloween party.”

;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

Bill was on the side of the road hitch-hiking on a very DARK NIGHT and in the midst of a FIERCE rain storm.

The night was rolling on, and no car went by. The storm was so strong he could hardly see a few metres ahead of him.

Suddenly through the swirling rain Bill saw a car slowly coming towards him. And as it drew level with him, it stopped.

Desperate for shelter and without really thinking about what he was doing, Bill got into the back seat of the car and closed the door. That was when he realized there was nobody behind the wheel and the engine wasn't even on!

Mysteriously and soundlessly, the car started moving slowly forward. Bill looked at the road and saw a curve approaching. Now he was scared, and he began to fear for his life. But just before he reached the curve, a ghostly hand appeared through the window of the car, and turned the steering wheel.

Bill, paralysed with terror, watched how the hand appeared every time they came to a curve.

When he saw the lights of a pub down the road, Bill gathered all his bravery and strength, jumped out of the car, and ran to to the pub.

Wet and out of breath, he rushed inside and asked for two shots of scotch. Shaking and half crying, he began telling everybody about the horrible experience he had just been through. A silence enveloped everybody when they realized he was not drunk, but was for real.

About 10 minutes later, two guys walked into the same pub. They were also wet, and were out of breath. Looking around and seeing Bill sobbing at the bar, one said to the other, "Hey Bruce… that's the idiot who got in the car while we were pushing it."

;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
Good one!

A beautiful lady was speaking to a General at a party:

Lady: 'When was the last time you had sex?

General: '1945'.

Lady: 'Oh my God! How about some now ?'

General: [Looks at his watch] 'No, I'm cool. It's only 2030'.

;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

Snail One: How are you doing?

Snail Two: I had to have my shell removed today.

Snail One: So how are you finding it?

Snail Two: I feel a bit sluggish.

What do you call...

A Smart Man & A Smart Woman?  Romance

A Smart Man & A Dumb Woman?  An Affair

A Dumb Man & A Smart Woman?  Marriage

A Dumb Man & A Dumb Woman?  Pregnant

One for all you Albo haters:




    Anthony Albanese recently addressed a major gathering of Australian Aboriginal elders in Darwin

    

    He spoke for almost an hour about his plans for increasing every Aboriginal’s standard of living.

    

    Though vague in detail, he spoke about his ideas for helping his “sisters and brothers”

    

    Afterwards, the elders presented him with a plaque inscribed with his new native language name,

    which translated into English as “Walking Eagle” which he proudly accepted.

    

    After ALBO left, a news reporter asked the elders how they came to select this name.

    They explained that “Walking Eagle”,  is the name given to a bird so full of poo it can no longer fly.

;D ;D

I asked Chat in M$ Bing

Q: write a joke about a drunk called Monk
A: Sure, here’s a joke for you:

Why did Monk refuse to drink any more beer?

Because he was afraid he’d get a “brew” belly!

Q: Write a joke about a drunk called Monk who is a troll on the internet
A: Here’s a joke for you:

Why did the drunk troll Monk get banned from the internet?

Because he was always posting “whiskey” comments!

;D ;D

Jasin wrote on Mar 15^th, 2023 at 4:01pm:

;D ;D

Yeah, he isn't worth the time to make up myself, so i asked the computer.

I think a little python with ChatGPT would work to join his site and automatically take the piss out of him without wasting time on it myself.

Super Nova wrote on Mar 15^th, 2023 at 4:45pm:

Jasin wrote on Mar 15th, 2023 at 4:01pm: ;D ;D Yeah, he isn't worth the time to make up myself, so i asked the computer. I think a little python with ChatGPT would work to join his site and automatically take the piss out of him without wasting time on it myself.

;D

A big grey elephant was drinking out of a river when he saw a snapping
turtle lying asleep on a log.  The elephant walked over to the turtle and
booted it clean over the river to the other side.

"Why did you do that?" asked a nearby beaver.

"Because I remember that this little thing that took a bite out of me fifty
years ago" says the elephant.

"Wowsers, that is some memory!" says the beaver.

"Indeed" says the elephant, "turtle recall".


—I'll get my coat.



​

;D
It was good.

A bloke opened a snail farm.

His mate came to visit and asked him “How's it going?”.

The bloke replied, "Well, it's a slow moving business".

Ok. You found that one in a Christmas Cracker didn't you Geoff?  ;D

LOL.....  sprung!       :-[

Super Nova wrote on Mar 15^th, 2023 at 3:54pm:

I asked Chat in M$ Bing Q: write a joke about a drunk called Monk A: Sure, here’s a joke for you: Why did Monk refuse to drink any more beer? Because he was afraid he’d get a “brew” belly! Q: Write a joke about a drunk called Monk who is a troll on the internet A: Here’s a joke for you: Why did the drunk troll Monk get banned from the internet? Because he was always posting “whiskey” comments!

PURE GOLD!

AI has nailed Monk.

Love it 👌

The Geography of a Woman
Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa . Half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally Beautiful!
Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe . Well developed and open to trade, especially for someone of real value.
Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain , very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.
Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece , gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit.
Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain , with a glorious and all conquering past.
Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel , has been through war, doesn't make the same mistakes twice, takes care of business.
Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada , self-preserving, but open to meeting new people.
After 70, she becomes Tibet . Wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages. An adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge.
THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN
Between 1 and 80, a man is like Russia and North Korea, ruled by a pair of nuts.
THE END.

UnSubRocky wrote on Mar 19^th, 2023 at 2:59pm:

The Geography of a Woman Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa . Half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally Beautiful! Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe . Well developed and open to trade, especially for someone of real value. Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain , very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty. Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece , gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit. Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain , with a glorious and all conquering past. Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel , has been through war, doesn't make the same mistakes twice, takes care of business. Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada , self-preserving, but open to meeting new people. After 70, she becomes Tibet . Wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages. An adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge. THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN Between 1 and 80, a man is like Russia and North Korea, ruled by a pair of nuts. THE END.

OMG that’s next level hilarious! Mind if I share that on Facebook?

Lisa Jones wrote on Mar 19^th, 2023 at 3:19pm:

UnSubRocky wrote on Mar 19th, 2023 at 2:59pm: The Geography of a Woman Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa . Half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally Beautiful! Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe . Well developed and open to trade, especially for someone of real value. Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain , very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty. Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece , gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit. Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain , with a glorious and all conquering past. Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel , has been through war, doesn't make the same mistakes twice, takes care of business. Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada , self-preserving, but open to meeting new people. After 70, she becomes Tibet . Wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages. An adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge. THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN Between 1 and 80, a man is like Russia and North Korea, ruled by a pair of nuts. THE END. OMG that’s next level hilarious! Mind if I share that on Facebook?

Well "Facebook" is where I found the joke.

UnSubRocky wrote on Mar 19^th, 2023 at 3:30pm:

Lisa Jones wrote on Mar 19th, 2023 at 3:19pm: UnSubRocky wrote on Mar 19th, 2023 at 2:59pm: The Geography of a Woman Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa . Half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally Beautiful! Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe . Well developed and open to trade, especially for someone of real value. Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain , very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty. Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece , gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit. Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain , with a glorious and all conquering past. Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel , has been through war, doesn't make the same mistakes twice, takes care of business. Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada , self-preserving, but open to meeting new people. After 70, she becomes Tibet . Wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages. An adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge. THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN Between 1 and 80, a man is like Russia and North Korea, ruled by a pair of nuts. THE END. OMG that’s next level hilarious! Mind if I share that on Facebook? Well "Facebook" is where I found the joke.

Awesome stuff!!

UnSubRocky wrote on Mar 19^th, 2023 at 2:59pm:

The Geography of a Woman Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa . Half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally Beautiful! Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe . Well developed and open to trade, especially for someone of real value. Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain , very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty. Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece , gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit. Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain , with a glorious and all conquering past. Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel , has been through war, doesn't make the same mistakes twice, takes care of business. Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada , self-preserving, but open to meeting new people. After 70, she becomes Tibet . Wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages. An adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge. THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN Between 1 and 80, a man is like Russia and North Korea, ruled by a pair of nuts. THE END.

Many LULZ...

My partner's 72.   Hmmm.....

@Martyfields

Kevin Rudd is so boring if he murdered somebody in front of a cop he still wouldn’t be a person of interest.

Captain Nemo wrote on Mar 28^th, 2023 at 8:40am:

Kevin Rudd is so boring if he murdered somebody in front of a cop he still wouldn’t be a person of interest.

😂🤣😆😂🤣😆😂🤣😆😂🤣😆😂🤣😆😂🤣😆😂🤣😆

A lady gets pulled over by the police. The officer walks up to the car.

Lady: I'm sorry officer. I know I was speeding.

Officer: Can I get your name?

Lady: I'm "Frida".

Officer: Last name?

Lady: "Gohmaam".

Officer: You're "Frida Gohmaam"?

Lady: Oh, thank you very much, officer. *drives off*

Officer: Hey wait!

An 84-year-old man is sitting on a park bench, sobbing, when a young man walks by and asks him what's wrong.
Through his tears, the old man answers, "I'm in love with a 22-year-old woman." "Well, what's wrong with that?" asks the young man. Between his sobs and sniffles, he answers, "You don't understand, every morning before she goes to work, we make love.
At lunch time, she comes home and we make love again, and then she makes my favorite meal.
In the afternoon when she gets a break, she rushes home and gives me the best time an old man could want. And then at supper time, and all night long, we make love.”
He breaks down, no longer able to speak.
The young man puts his arm around him. "I don't understand. It sounds like you have the perfect relationship!
'Why are you sitting here on this park bench crying?'
The senile old man answers, again through his tears:
"I can't remember where I live!"

UnSubRocky wrote on Mar 19^th, 2023 at 2:59pm:

The Geography of a Woman Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa . Half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally Beautiful! Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe . Well developed and open to trade, especially for someone of real value. Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain , very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty. Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece , gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit. Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain , with a glorious and all conquering past. Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel , has been through war, doesn't make the same mistakes twice, takes care of business. Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada , self-preserving, but open to meeting new people. After 70, she becomes Tibet . Wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages. An adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge. THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN Between 1 and 80, a man is like Russia and North Korea, ruled by a pair of nuts. THE END.

My parents had a similar banner to that hanging on the kitchen wall when i was growing up

it went like-
From 20 to 30 if a man lives right, it's once in the morning and twice at night
From 30 to 40 if he still lives right, he misses a morning and sometimes a night
From 40 to 50 it's just now and then
From 60 to 70 it's heaven knows when
from 70 - 80 he's slightly declined, but don't let him fool you, it's still on his mind

From Facebook just now ....

---

John Smith wrote on Mar 31^st, 2023 at 4:17pm:

UnSubRocky wrote on Mar 19th, 2023 at 2:59pm: The Geography of a Woman Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa . Half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally Beautiful! Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe . Well developed and open to trade, especially for someone of real value. Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain , very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty. Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece , gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit. Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain , with a glorious and all conquering past. Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel , has been through war, doesn't make the same mistakes twice, takes care of business. Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada , self-preserving, but open to meeting new people. After 70, she becomes Tibet . Wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages. An adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge. THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN Between 1 and 80, a man is like Russia and North Korea, ruled by a pair of nuts. THE END. My parents had a similar banner to that hanging on the kitchen wall when i was growing up it went like- From 20 to 30 if a man lives right, it's once in the morning and twice at night From 30 to 40 if he still lives right, he misses a morning and sometimes a night From 40 to 50 it's just now and then From 60 to 70 it's heaven knows when from 70 - 80 he's slightly declined, but don't let him fool you, it's still on his mind

                                        All the world’s a stage,
And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts,
His acts being seven ages.

At first the infant,
Mewling and puking in the nurse’s arms;
And then the whining school-boy, with his satchel
And shining morning face, creeping like snail
Unwillingly to school.

And then the lover,
Sighing like furnace, with a woeful ballad
Made to his mistress’ eyebrow. Then a soldier,
Full of strange oaths, and bearded like the pard,
Jealous in honour, sudden and quick in quarrel,
Seeking the bubble reputation
Even in the cannon’s mouth.

And then the justice,
In fair round belly with good capon lin’d,
With eyes severe and beard of formal cut,
Full of wise saws and modern instances;
And so he plays his part.

The sixth age shifts
Into the lean and slipper’d pantaloon,
With spectacles on nose and pouch on side;
His youthful hose, well sav’d, a world too wide
For his shrunk shank; and his big manly voice,
Turning again toward childish treble, pipes
And whistles in his sound.

Last scene of all,
That ends this strange eventful history,
Is second childishness and mere oblivion;
Sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans everything.

A horse falls into a mud hole. The horse asks the chicken to go get the farmer to pull him out. The chicken rushes to the farm, but the farmer was nowhere to be found. So, the chicken gets the keys to the farmer's BMW and drives over to where the horse is stuck. The chicken ties a rope around the BMW underside and gives the horse the other end of the rope to hold onto. The chicken then drags the horse out of the mud hole.

A few days later, the chicken is stuck in another mudhole. The horse says, "I think I can stand over this mudhole". The horse is above the chicken and then the horse says "Here, grab my 'thingy' and I will pull you to safety". The chicken grabs the horse's thingy and the horse gets the chicken to safety.

The moral of the story: If you are hung like a horse, you don't need a BMW to pick up chicks.

😂🤣😆😂🤣😆😂🤣😆😂🤣😆😂🤣😆😂🤣😆😂🤣😆😂🤣😆😂🤣😆😂🤣😆

Jokes: Mothra, Monk, Aussie, Peccary, Smith

https://mobile.twitter.com/vidsthatgohard/status/1643636690790014976

https://i.imgur.com/T1tieEp.jpg

"Real stupidity beats artificial intelligence every time."
- Terry Pratchett

https://i.imgur.com/v5qwR3C.jpg