For those who miss Lestat and Abu Rashid

www.aussiemuslims.com/

continued

11. Guardianship While He is Absent

-Protecting yourself from any prohibited relations
-Keep the secrets of the family, particularly intercourse and things that the husbands don't like other people to know
-Take care of the house and children
-Take care of his money and properties
-Do not go out of your house without his permission and put on full hijab
-Refuse people whom he does not like to come over
-Do not allow any non-mahram man to be alone with you in any place
-Be good with his parents and relatives in his absence

12. Showing Respect for his Family and Friends

-You should welcome his guests and try to please them, especially his parents
-You should avoid problems as much as you can with his relatives
-You should avoid putting him is a position where he had to choose between his mother and his wife
-Show good hospitality for his guests by arranging a nice place for them to sit in, perfection of food, welcoming their wives, etc.
-Encourage him to visit his relatives and invite them to your home.
-Phone his parents and sisters, send letters to them, buy gifts for them, support them in calamities, etc.

13. Admirable Jealousy

-Jealousy is a sign for wife's love for her husband but it should be kept within the limits of Islam, e.g. not insulating or backbiting others, disrespecting them, etc.
-You should not follow or create unfounded doubts.

14. Patience and Emotional Support

-Be patient when you face poverty and strained circumstances.
-When you face calamities and disasters that may happen to you, your husband, your children, relatives or properties, e.g. diseases, accidents, death, etc.
-When facing hardships in Da'wah (imprisonment, getting fired, arrested, etc.), be patient and encourage him to keep on the path of Allah and remind him of paradise.
-When he mistreats you, counteract his ill-treatment by good treatment

15. Support in Obedience to Allah, Da'wah and Jihad

-Cooperate with your husband and remind him of different obligatory and voluntary worships.* Encourage him to pray at night.
-Listen and reciting the Qur'an individually and with your husband.
-Listen to Islamic tapes and songs individually and with your husband.
-Remember Allah SWT much, particularly after Fajr and before Maghrib.
-Share in arranging Da'wah activities for women and children.
-Learn Islamic rules (ahkam) and good manners ('adab) for women.
-Support your husband's activities by encouraging him, offering wise opinions, soothing his pains, etc.
-Yielding some of your rights and a part of your time with your husband for Da'wah.
-Encourage him to go for Jihad when needed and remind him that you and children will be in the preservation of Allah SWT.

16. Good Housekeeping

-Keep it clean, decorated and well arranged.
-Change house arrangements from time to time to avoid boredom.
-Perfect of food and prepare healthy foods.
-Learn all the necessary skills for managing the house, e.g. sewing.
-Learn how to raise children properly and in an Islamic way.

17. Preservation of Finances and the Family

-Do not spend from his money, even for charity without his permission unless you are sure that he agrees on this.
-Protect his house, car, etc. while he is absent.
-Keep the children in good shape, clean clothes, etc. Take care of their nutrition, health, education, manners, etc. Teach them Islam and tell them the stories of the Prophets and companions.





A wife is only ever happy when serving her husband? Didn't you know that yet?

lol.. joking.

The best couple are the ones that help each other and make each other happy. They don't have to force themselves to do so against theiw will, rather they do it without thinking because of their love for each other.



How to Win the Love of your Partner.

Some advice to the Brothers:

Men want to know that they have ultimate control over their wife. Besides it being their right, it’s also their ego that sometimes controls their actions so that they are too proud to be gentle and kind, because they feel that they are giving in or being too soft, but the opposite of this is true. Brothers, do you know that you already have such control? A simple word or two of praise and appreciation to your wife gives her such feelings inside of love and peace that all she will want to do is to do is to do more for you. It is the natural feeling of complete joy that Allah has built into women that makes them such good wives and mothers. You have the key to bringing out that natural state of submission in them. Just a few words, or a loving look, or gentle touch, to let her know that you appreciate her efforts to please you.

There is more of course - but it has surprised me that this is going on here in Australia and modern women are accepting it.

Woohoo! Still, to hell with the UMMAH.

forget it- I found the topic

makes me wonder why you didn't post the article towards husbands mantra

1. Beautiful Reception.

-After returning from work, school, travel, or whatever has separated you,begin with a good greeting
start with Assalamau 'Aliaykum and a smile. Salam is a sunnah and a du'aa for her as well
-Shake her hand and leave bad news for later!

2. Sweet Speech and Enchanting Invitations

-Choose words that are positive and avoid negative ones
-Give her your attention when you speak or she speaks
-Speak with clarity and repeat words if necessary until she understands
-Call her nice names that she likes, e.g. my sweet-heart, honey, saaliha, etc

3. Friendliness and Recreation

-Spend time talking together
-Spread to her good news
-Remember your good memories together

4. Games and Distractions

-Joking around & having a sense of humor
-Playing and competing with each other in sports or whatever
-Taking her to watch permissible (halal) types of entertainment
-Avoiding prohibited (haram) things in your choices of entertainment

5. Assistance in the Household

-Doing what you as an individual can/like to do that helps out, especially if she is sick or tired
-The most important thing is making it obvious that he appreciates her hard work

6. Consultation (Shurah) Specifically in family matters

-Giving her the feeling that her opinion is important to you
-Studying her opinion carefully
-Be willing to change an opinion for hers if it is better
-Thanking her for helping you with her opinions

7. Visiting Others

-Choosing well raised people to build relations with. There is a great reward in visiting relatives and pious people. (Not in wasting time while visiting!)
-Pay attention to ensure Islamic manners during visits
-Not forcing her to visit whom she does not feel comfortable with

8. Conduct During Travel

-Offer a warm farewell and good advice
-Ask her to pray for him
-Ask pious relatives and friends to take care of the family in your absence
-Give her enough money for what she might need
-Try to stay in touch with her whether by phone, e-mail, letters, etc.
-Return as soon as possible
-Bring her a gift!
-Avoid returning at an unexpected time or at night
-Take her with you if possible

9. Financial Support

-The husband needs to be generous within his financial capabilities. He should not be a miser with his money (nor wasteful).
-He gets rewards for all what he spends on her sustenance even for a small piece of bread that he feeds her by his hand (hadeith).
-He is strongly encouraged to give to her before she asks him.

18. Pardoning and Appropriate Censure

-Accounting her only for larger mistakes
-Forgive mistakes done to him but account her for mistakes done in Allah's rights, e.g. delaying prayers, etc.
-Remember all the good she does whenever she makes a mistake
-Remember that all humans err so try to find excuses for her such as maybe she is tired, sad, having her monthly cycle or that her commitment to Islam is growing
-Avoid attacking her for the bad cooking of the food as the Prophet PBUH never blamed any of his wives for this. If he likes the food, he eats and if he doesn't then he does not eat and does not comment
-Before declaring her to be in error, try other indirect approaches that are more subtle than direct accusations
-Escape from using insults and words that may hurt her feelings
-When it becomes necessary to discuss a problem wait until you have privacy from others
-Waiting until the anger has subsided a bit can help to keep a control on your words.

it is merely advice- not enforced rules.

if I were married and my husband wanted to have sex then I would do my best to satisfy his need- I just think that;s part of being a good partner.

note that if a woman doesn't want to have sex she doesn't have to. but many psychologist, counsellors etc would agree that many relationships break down because of an unsatisfactory sex life.

I will post something up here as well that discusses how men should treat women during sex in islam

as to the hitting- this is supposed to be the absolute last last last resort and I believe the description given is of a 'slight tap with a miswak'. a miswak is the equivalent of a toothbrush. and the tap should not be delivered to the face or front of the body (let me check on that- but I know not the face for sure)

as for women slapping their husbands- yes this is allowed (although there may be difference of opinion on this)

as to hijab- this is a islamic requirement, no surprise there. but again- a husband shouldn't force his wife to do anything against his will (these kinds of overarching principles are the things such statements should be read in context of)

and a mahram man is a man who is a relative. some people believe a woman should only interact with her mahrams. the same restrictions applies to mens interactions with women of course- that should only interact with their relos.

of course there are varying opinions etc

Quote:


Where does it say "she should correct him"?  There's nothing in those guidelines about hitting your husband with an object the size of a toothbrush either.

This comment is puzzling as well.

When he mistreats you, counteract his ill-treatment by good treatment

Isn't that just rewarding him for bad behaviour.  We are taught not to do that with our children - so why would Islam advise such a thing?

Gaybriel - you mentioned in one of your early posts that you were a feminist - how do you personally feel about the following:

9. Compliance to Him

-In all what he commands you, unless it is prohibited (Haram).
-In Islam, the husband is the leader of the family, and the wife is his support and consultant

Now this is a real toughie.  What if you hate your mother-in-law and want to lead a life independant of your husband's family?  

You should avoid putting him is a position where he had to choose between his mother and his wife

Obviously the above is palatable to many because Islam is the fastest growing religion on the planet - although it's very difficult to see the appeal from a non-religious point of view.

Turning Sex into Sadaqah

[an act of voluntary kindness pleasing to God]

by Sr.Ruqaiyyah Waris Maqsood.

(An excerpt from 'The Muslim Marriage Guide').

"Women shall have rights similar to the rights upon them; according to what is equitable and just; and men have a degree of advantage over them." (Quran, 2:216)


They do indeed! This passage of the Holy Quran was revealed in connection with the rights of women following a divorce, but it also has a general sense. One basic right of every person taking on a contract never to have sex other than with their own legitimate partner is that each spouse should therefore provide sexual fulfillment (imta') to the other, as part of the bargain.


Now, every man knows what sexual things please him--but some men, particularly those who have not been married before and are therefore lacking experience, don't seem to know much about how to give the same pleasure to the woman; even worse, some men do know but they can't be bothered to make the effort. Yet this is vital if a marriage is to succeed and not just be a disappointing burden for the woman, and it is a vital part of one's Islamic duty.


It is not acceptable for a Muslim man just to satisfy himself while ignoring his wife's needs. Experts agree that the basic psychological need of a man is respect, while that of a woman is love. Neither respect nor love are things that can be forced--they have to be worked for, and earned. The Prophet (s) stated that in one's sexual intimacy with one's life partner there is sadaqa (worship through giving):


God's Messenger(s) said: "In the sexual act of each of you there is a sadaqa." The Companions replied: "0 Messenger of God! When one of us fulfils his sexual desire, will he be given a reward for that?" And he said, "Do you not think that were he to act upon it unlawfully, he would be sinning? Likewise, if he acts upon it lawfully he will be rewarded." (Muslim)


This hadith only makes sense if the sexual act is raised above the mere animal level.


What is the magic ingredient that turns sex into sadaqa, that makes it a matter of reward or punishment from Allah? It is by making one's sex life more than simple physical gratification; it is by thought for pleasing Allah by unselfish care for one's partner. A husband that cannot understand this will never be fully respected by his wife.

Neither spouse should ever act in a manner that would be injurious or harmful to their conjugal life. Nikah is the sacred tie between husband and wife, that sincere and devoted love without which they cannot attain happiness and peace of mind.


"Of His signs is this: that He created for you spouses that you might find rest in them, and He ordained between you love and mercy." (Surah 30:21)


Now, every Muslim knows that a man has a right on his wife. However, because nikah is a contract never to seek sexual satisfaction outside the marriage bond, Islam commands not only the women but the men in this respect, and makes it clear that if a husband is not aware of the urges and needs of his wife, he will be committing a sin by depriving her of her rights.



According to all four orthodox jurists, it is incumbent upon the husband to keep his wife happy and pleased in this respect. Likewise, it is essential for the wife to satisfy the desire of the husband. Neither should reject the other, unless there is some lawful excuse.



Now, it is fairly easy for a woman to satisfy a man and make herself available to him, even if she is not really in the mood. It is far harder for a man to satisfy a woman if he is not in the mood, and this is where an important aspect of male responsibility needs to be brought to every Muslim man's attention, and stressed strongly.



The jurists believed that a woman's private parts needed "protecting" (tahsin). What they meant was that it was important for a Muslim husband to satisfy his wife's sexual needs so that she would not be tempted to commit zina out of despair or frustration.



A Muslim wife is not merely a lump of flesh without emotions or feelings, just there to satisfy a man's natural urges. On the contrary, her body contains a soul no less important in God's sight than her husband's. Her heart is very tender and delicate, and crude or rough manners would hurt her feelings and drive away love. The husband would be both foolish and immoral to act in any way unpalatable to her natural temperament, and a man selfishly seeking his own satisfaction without considering that of his wife is a selfish boor. In fact, according to a hadith:



"Three things are counted inadequacies in a man. Firstly, meeting someone he would like to get to know, and taking leave of him before learning his name and his family. Secondly, rebuffing the generosity that another shows to him. And thirdly, going to his wife and having intercourse with her before talking to her and gaining her intimacy, satisfying his need from her before she has satisfied her need from him." (Daylami)

....