Australian Politics Forum - Can men and women just be friends?

oceanz Gold Member Offline Auzgurl.. Posts: 3531 Gender:	Can men and women just be friends? Jan 21^st, 2009 at 6:27pm Or will sex always get in the way.? Can a man want a friendship with a female and not expect at some point to have sex with her? It can be the same to some extent for females..
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Gaybriel Gold Member Offline Australian Politics Posts: 1191	Re: Can men and women just be friends? Reply #1 - Jan 21^st, 2009 at 7:45pm definitely they can be friends. sometimes the naughty gets in the way- but even if it does the friendship can continue on
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oceanz

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Re: Can men and women just be friends?
Reply #2 - Jan 22^nd, 2009 at 12:17am

Gaybriel wrote on Jan 21^st, 2009 at 7:45pm:

definitely they can be friends. sometimes the naughty gets in the way- but even if it does the friendship can continue on

Is that assuming that one or the other does not get emotionally involved i wonder...?

Men can have sex and it can be" just sex"...women don't get this concept..then its trouble.

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locutius

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Re: Can men and women just be friends?
Reply #3 - Jan 22^nd, 2009 at 9:01am

oceanz wrote on Jan 22^nd, 2009 at 12:17am:

Gaybriel wrote on Jan 21^st, 2009 at 7:45pm:

definitely they can be friends. sometimes the naughty gets in the way- but even if it does the friendship can continue on

Is that assuming that one or the other does not get emotionally involved i wonder...?

Men can have sex and it can be" just sex"...women don't get this concept..then its trouble.

I think that's the crux of it. Men can be friends with women without the need for sex, but would usually be willing if it was on the friendship menu. Men just want to get back to the friendship part after sex. After a nap of course.

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skippy

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Re: Can men and women just be friends?
Reply #4 - Jan 22^nd, 2009 at 10:21am

Yes men can, I do, I have always got on better with women than men, I have some mates I've had for 30 plus years but when I make new friends its often with women, I live in a place with a small population about 200 in the valley, and as I took my son to playgroup and pre school I found I got to meet lots of women and became friends with them before I met their husbands, I get on with some of the husbands but I get the vibe some dont like me and I think its because I'm friends with their wife rather then friends with them.
I even find on the "net" that I get on better with women than I do men, Its always been the same.

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Gaybriel

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Re: Can men and women just be friends?
Reply #5 - Jan 22^nd, 2009 at 12:03pm

I've always gotten on with men better than women.

sometimes the nookie gets in the way. but sometimes guys get emotionally attached too and that causes the same problem...

usually if the friendship is strong enough you can overcome it though.

I think it gets tricky when there's an ongoing sexual relationship instead of just a one night stand or something

I agree though skippy- once you meet the other half it can have a negative effect cause they assume you're trying for something more than friendship

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oceanz

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Re: Can men and women just be friends?
Reply #6 - Jan 22^nd, 2009 at 4:27pm

Gaybriel wrote on Jan 22^nd, 2009 at 12:03pm:

I've always gotten on with men better than women.

sometimes the nookie gets in the way. but sometimes guys get emotionally attached too and that causes the same problem...

usually if the friendship is strong enough you can overcome it though.

I think it gets tricky when there's an ongoing sexual relationship instead of just a one night stand or something

I agree though skippy- once you meet the other half it can have a negative effect cause they assume you're trying for something more than friendship

I also get on better with men than women .. Love their humour and just their way of looking at the world. They are forgiving mostly and not hard to please..good sex, good food and clean clothes and thats it for them.

A lot of women are never happy and it is frustrating to see them sabotage good relationships due to this.

Skippy you must be a threat to these men.. Wink

Take it as a compliment.
Men are more forgiving toward woman and vice versa..

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mozzaok

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Re: Can men and women just be friends?
Reply #7 - Jan 22^nd, 2009 at 5:08pm

It pretty much boils down to, how honest they can be.
I had a girlfriend whose best mate was a guy she had been friends with for years, and I told her that he was in love with her.
She scoffed, and assumed it was down to jealousy on my part, that I was seeing something, that wasn't there.
Well, I wasn't, and it was.
When he finally tried to get amorous one night, after having had too much to drink, he confessed his feelings for her, and naturally, she felt betrayed, and the friendship was ruined.

Now if he had been up front about his feelings from the start, they may have been able to have an honest friendship, but a relationship, of any kind, that is not built on trust, is really not worth having.

It is very hard for people when they are young, to sort their feelings out, it is one of the few benefits of age, that we get past that stuff, or at least most of us do.

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oceanz

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Re: Can men and women just be friends?
Reply #8 - Jan 22^nd, 2009 at 9:34pm

mozzaok wrote on Jan 22^nd, 2009 at 5:08pm:

It pretty much boils down to, how honest they can be.
I had a girlfriend whose best mate was a guy she had been friends with for years, and I told her that he was in love with her.
She scoffed, and assumed it was down to jealousy on my part, that I was seeing something, that wasn't there.
Well, I wasn't, and it was.
When he finally tried to get amorous one night, after having had too much to drink, he confessed his feelings for her, and naturally, she felt betrayed, and the friendship was ruined.

Now if he had been up front about his feelings from the start, they may have been able to have an honest friendship, but a relationship, of any kind, that is not built on trust, is really not worth having.

It is very hard for people when they are young, to sort their feelings out, it is one of the few benefits of age, that we get past that stuff, or at least most of us do.

I suppose so..but if a man says to a girl.."can we just hang out for sex?...she would slap him. A man lies because he thinks he has to..to get what he wants ( not all men lie..but a lot do ). And females know this.

Men will cover, as you say Mozz, feelings of love as friendship...this complicates things

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Gaybriel

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Re: Can men and women just be friends?
Reply #9 - Jan 22^nd, 2009 at 10:28pm

oceanz wrote on Jan 22^nd, 2009 at 9:34pm:

mozzaok wrote on Jan 22^nd, 2009 at 5:08pm:

It pretty much boils down to, how honest they can be.
I had a girlfriend whose best mate was a guy she had been friends with for years, and I told her that he was in love with her.
She scoffed, and assumed it was down to jealousy on my part, that I was seeing something, that wasn't there.
Well, I wasn't, and it was.
When he finally tried to get amorous one night, after having had too much to drink, he confessed his feelings for her, and naturally, she felt betrayed, and the friendship was ruined.

Now if he had been up front about his feelings from the start, they may have been able to have an honest friendship, but a relationship, of any kind, that is not built on trust, is really not worth having.

It is very hard for people when they are young, to sort their feelings out, it is one of the few benefits of age, that we get past that stuff, or at least most of us do.

I suppose so..but if a man says to a girl.."can we just hang out for sex?...she would slap him. A man lies because he thinks he has to..to get what he wants ( not all men lie..but a lot do ). And females know this.

Men will cover, as you say Mozz, feelings of love as friendship...this complicates things

I dunno- I know some people with casual sex relationships- they've just set it up that way

you're rigt though- a lot of the time women know men are full of it but they play along anyway to get what they want....ok I dunno if you intended what you said to mean that- but it's true Tongue

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muso

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Re: Can men and women just be friends?
Reply #10 - Jan 23^rd, 2009 at 9:28am

Yes of course they can. However the younger generation seem to be better at it than we ever were. When I was in my teens and 20's, I found it difficult just to be friends, and I was continually in and out of close relationships. Nowadays, we seem to have a different situation, at least judging by my kids and their friends. It's difficult for a 50 something guy to understand that situation, but I'm filled with admiration about the lack of hang ups that kids seem to have nowadays.

I think it boils down to how big your circle of friends is.

The other thing is that nowadays, it's seems to be ok for 'friends' to have sex now and again and just stay as friends. To me that's alien, as in off the planet, but then I'll never quite understand.

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oceanz

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Re: Can men and women just be friends?
Reply #11 - Jan 23^rd, 2009 at 10:41am

muso wrote on Jan 23^rd, 2009 at 9:28am:

Yes of course they can. However the younger generation seem to be better at it than we ever were. When I was in my teens and 20's, I found it difficult just to be friends, and I was continually in and out of close relationships. Nowadays, we seem to have a different situation, at least judging by my kids and their friends. It's difficult for a 50 something guy to understand that situation, but I'm filled with admiration about the lack of hang ups that kids seem to have nowadays.

I think it boils down to how big your circle of friends is.

The other thing is that nowadays, it's seems to be ok for 'friends' to have sex now and again and just stay as friends. To me that's alien, as in off the planet, but then I'll never quite understand.

How many degrees of seperation here tho muso?...if 2 pple are having sex and staying friends..I tend to think unknowingly have they crossed the friendship line and are now in fact in love..but yet hasnt been acknowledged openly by either?

There is a fine line between friendship and love I would think?

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« Last Edit: Jan 23^rd, 2009 at 10:49am by oceanz »

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oceanz

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Re: Can men and women just be friends?
Reply #12 - Jan 23^rd, 2009 at 10:47am

Gaybriel wrote on Jan 22^nd, 2009 at 10:28pm:

oceanz wrote on Jan 22^nd, 2009 at 9:34pm:

mozzaok wrote on Jan 22^nd, 2009 at 5:08pm:

It pretty much boils down to, how honest they can be.
I had a girlfriend whose best mate was a guy she had been friends with for years, and I told her that he was in love with her.
She scoffed, and assumed it was down to jealousy on my part, that I was seeing something, that wasn't there.
Well, I wasn't, and it was.
When he finally tried to get amorous one night, after having had too much to drink, he confessed his feelings for her, and naturally, she felt betrayed, and the friendship was ruined.

Now if he had been up front about his feelings from the start, they may have been able to have an honest friendship, but a relationship, of any kind, that is not built on trust, is really not worth having.

It is very hard for people when they are young, to sort their feelings out, it is one of the few benefits of age, that we get past that stuff, or at least most of us do.

I suppose so..but if a man says to a girl.."can we just hang out for sex?...she would slap him. A man lies because he thinks he has to..to get what he wants ( not all men lie..but a lot do ). And females know this.

Men will cover, as you say Mozz, feelings of love as friendship...this complicates things

I dunno- I know some people with casual sex relationships- they've just set it up that way

you're rigt though- a lot of the time women know men are full of it but they play along anyway to get what they want....ok I dunno if you intended what you said to mean that- but it's true Tongue

Not quite Gayb..I just meant some men are very easy to see thru ( if the female isn't wearing rose coloured glasses that is) and if she does or will in the future , the man is ruining his own chances .. they both miss out.

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Gaybriel

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Re: Can men and women just be friends?
Reply #13 - Jan 23^rd, 2009 at 12:04pm

oceanz wrote on Jan 23^rd, 2009 at 10:41am:

muso wrote on Jan 23^rd, 2009 at 9:28am:

Yes of course they can. However the younger generation seem to be better at it than we ever were. When I was in my teens and 20's, I found it difficult just to be friends, and I was continually in and out of close relationships. Nowadays, we seem to have a different situation, at least judging by my kids and their friends. It's difficult for a 50 something guy to understand that situation, but I'm filled with admiration about the lack of hang ups that kids seem to have nowadays.

I think it boils down to how big your circle of friends is.

The other thing is that nowadays, it's seems to be ok for 'friends' to have sex now and again and just stay as friends. To me that's alien, as in off the planet, but then I'll never quite understand.

How many degrees of seperation here tho muso?...if 2 pple are having sex and staying friends..I tend to think unknowingly have they crossed the friendship line and are now in fact in love..but yet hasnt been acknowledged openly by either?

There is a fine line between friendship and love I would think?

not in my experience. sex isn't driven by love it's driven by lust. I think you're talking long term friends having sex then sure they could be in love, but they could also just be drunk.

or maybe I'm just cynical Tongue

i do agree though- if you have a close friendship and are regularly sleeping together there are probably feelings there

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Gaybriel

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Re: Can men and women just be friends?
Reply #14 - Jan 23^rd, 2009 at 12:06pm

oceanz wrote on Jan 23^rd, 2009 at 10:47am:

Not quite Gayb..I just meant some men are very easy to see thru ( if the female isn't wearing rose coloured glasses that is) and if she does or will in the future , the man is ruining his own chances .. they both miss out.

aha- I was talking more about when you're a club and a guy is spinning lines and in your mind you're thinking "'I know what you're doing but hell I feel like kissing someone so I'm just gonna let you think you're 'working your magic'"

man this convo is making me sound like a massive tramp Shocked

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