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Sprints Interperetation of a Bible story ........ (Read 2589 times)
Sprintcyclist
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Sprints Interperetation of a Bible story ........
Nov 19th, 2009 at 10:24pm
 
The pharisees are becoming more concerned of this new issue by the week.
Upstarts regularily arrive, they always find a weakness and take full advantage of it.
They are sure of doing the same to him, they have the torah on their side.
The Romans don't care what they do, long as there is no untoward disruption from this far flung corner of their empire.

It has been a hot week, no respite for the past few nights. Everyone is scratchy. It's a powderkeg primed to blow, the pharisees know how people work.
Time to spring the trap.
The pharisees seize a low class woman, accusing her of adultery. Making a goodly amount of commotion they drag her around publically.
A crowd follows, a few antagonists provide the lever. Soon the crowd become a mob and are ready to let off some of their heat inflamed emotions.
Nothing like a good stoning to appease the masses in a heatwave.
They drag her around till Jesus is present. "What are you doing to her, what has he done ?"
"She is an adulteress, she will be punished as per the Law."
Jesus sees her terrified eyes, the crowd panting for blood, the pharisees smug look.
The pharisees stand back in the crowd, overseeing their plan. 'We have him in a spot now. He knows the Law, he quotes it well enough'

The mob hushes, stones gripped in some hands, her eyes plead to Jesus.

"Let he who has not sinned cast the first stone."


She faints, the pharisees frowns crease. 'What does he mean ?'
Jesus steps in front of her prone figure and stands before the heaving sweaty hot mob.
A young man springs forward, his arm tensed.
Jesus kneals before him and using his finger writes something in the sand only the young man and Jesus can see.
The man pauses, reads it, his arm slacks. He stops, regrips the stone, relaxes again. Drops the stone, slumps his head, turns aside and walks away. Ashamed.
Jesus wipes out what he has written in the sand.
'What did Jesus write?'
Another man walks forward, confidantly. Jesus writes something else in the sand. Again the man hesitates and is defeated.
Again and again men come forward, only to be bested by Jesus personal private words in the sand.
Everyone has sinned, Jesus has written down a sin of every man that has come forward.

She has watched from the ground, sobbing, shaking and in shock.
The crowd dissipate.


Jesus straightened up and asked her, "Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?"
"No one, sir," she said.
"Then neither do I condemn you," Jesus declared. "Go now and leave your life of sin."


John 8:10-12
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« Last Edit: Nov 19th, 2009 at 10:39pm by Sprintcyclist »  

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muso
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Re: Sprints Interperetation of a Bible story ........
Reply #1 - Nov 21st, 2009 at 9:09am
 
Why don't you join the trend and rewrite the Bible. You could make it much more entertaining.

"And the crippled man not only rose up and walked, but then proceeded to give an amazing display of line dancing to the applause of all who were gathered around. And it came to pass that the multitude proceeded to join in the dance, while singing in perfect harmony the Rogers and Hammerstein song Oklahoma. And when it was finished, the audience applauded"
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Re: Sprints Interperetation of a Bible story ........
Reply #2 - Nov 21st, 2009 at 7:12pm
 

That's all in the bible, I've just joined the dots.
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Re: Sprints Interperetation of a Bible story ........
Reply #3 - Nov 23rd, 2009 at 10:12am
 
Well at least if we followed muso's suggestion we could stop the persecution of homosexuals by some elements within the christian church.
If we had a "musical theatre" version of the bible that would have to prove god loves gays.  Grin
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Re: Sprints Interperetation of a Bible story ........
Reply #4 - Jan 4th, 2010 at 2:02pm
 
mozzaok wrote on Nov 23rd, 2009 at 10:12am:
Well at least if we followed muso's suggestion we could stop the persecution of homosexuals by some elements within the christian church.
If we had a "musical theatre" version of the bible that would have to prove god loves gays.  Grin


he does love gays, just not 'sex outside of marriage.

oh and he only likes marriage between a man and a woman.
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Re: Sprints Interperetation of a Bible story ........
Reply #5 - Jan 5th, 2010 at 10:48am
 
Yes, but does the divine definition of sex include cigars?

Is there a "thou shalt not insert" somewhere in Leviticus pertaining to inanimate objects in miscellaneous orifices?

Probably not, or all Catholic gynaecologists would go to hell. Maybe it's more of a thou shalt not be titillated clause. Covet - that's it! Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's ass.

As a matter of fact, the Old Testament in its original form really only had a problem with bonking a woman 'belonging' to another man. If she was unmarried then it was just well....go down Moses.

Quote:
In the Old Testament, “adultery” properly referred to a married or betrothed woman having sexual intercourse with someone other than her husband. The Greek, Roman, and Hebrew concept of adultery was substantially the same. “The infidelity of the husband did not constitute adultery.”


http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=153
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« Last Edit: Jan 5th, 2010 at 11:14am by muso »  

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Re: Sprints Interperetation of a Bible story ........
Reply #6 - Jan 5th, 2010 at 11:57am
 
muso wrote on Jan 5th, 2010 at 10:48am:
Probably not, or all Catholic gynaecologists would go to hell. Maybe it's more of a thou shalt not be titillated clause. Covet - that's it! Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's ass.

Ah yes! Thy neighbour's ass... Reminds me of another Minchin pearl Grin

Quote:
My ass is getting me down
People laugh behind their hands when I take it into town
It used to be tough and hard-working and strong
But now it is greying and has long since been long past its prime
But it was such a good ass in its time

Just to rub salt in the wound
My neighbour has an ass that would make Tatanya swoon
It's so broad that it's almost impossible to straddle
He had to get a custom made saddle

I know that envy's a sin
But his ass is so muscular while mine is so thin
I know it's immoral to covet
But just one day with his ass, oh God I would love it!

Oh Lord my saviour
Would you do me a favour
I just want an ass like my neighbour

I want my neighbour's ass
Cos my neighbour has
A real nice ass

My ass was once strong as an ox
People could easily ride it from dawn until dusk
But it never once balked out a plough
It was hardy and handsome but I'm afraid now a disaster
I've had to put my ass out to pasture

I should be happy with the ass that God gave me
To look a gift ass in the mouth is a sin
I really should look on the bright side
It's such a big job breaking a brand new ass in

I know that envy is wrong
But my ass is so pathetic while his is so strong
In the old days my ass brought me kudos and fame
Now my ass just brings me shame

Oh Lord, Lord my saviour
Forgive my behaviour
I can't help but covet the ass of my neighbour
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Re: Sprints Interperetation of a Bible story ........
Reply #7 - Jan 7th, 2010 at 2:56pm
 
muso wrote on Jan 5th, 2010 at 10:48am:
Yes, but does the divine definition of sex include cigars?

Is there a "thou shalt not insert" somewhere in Leviticus pertaining to inanimate objects in miscellaneous orifices?

Probably not, or all Catholic gynaecologists would go to hell. Maybe it's more of a thou shalt not be titillated clause. Covet - that's it! Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's ass.

As a matter of fact, the Old Testament in its original form really only had a problem with bonking a woman 'belonging' to another man. If she was unmarried then it was just well....go down Moses.

Quote:
In the Old Testament, “adultery” properly referred to a married or betrothed woman having sexual intercourse with someone other than her husband. The Greek, Roman, and Hebrew concept of adultery was substantially the same. “The infidelity of the husband did not constitute adultery.”


http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=153


adultery was one of the ten commandments. however fornication was always regarded as wrong, right from the oint where god created adam and eve for each other and no one else.

jesus made this clear anyway and no body seemed to disagree, further emphasizing that it was always intepreted as wrong.

It is true though that adultery is regarded as worse than simple fornication.
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Re: Sprints Interperetation of a Bible story ........
Reply #8 - Jan 8th, 2010 at 12:00pm
 
Classic Liberal wrote on Jan 7th, 2010 at 2:56pm:
muso wrote on Jan 5th, 2010 at 10:48am:
Yes, but does the divine definition of sex include cigars?

Is there a "thou shalt not insert" somewhere in Leviticus pertaining to inanimate objects in miscellaneous orifices?

Probably not, or all Catholic gynaecologists would go to hell. Maybe it's more of a thou shalt not be titillated clause. Covet - that's it! Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's ass.

As a matter of fact, the Old Testament in its original form really only had a problem with bonking a woman 'belonging' to another man. If she was unmarried then it was just well....go down Moses.

Quote:
In the Old Testament, “adultery” properly referred to a married or betrothed woman having sexual intercourse with someone other than her husband. The Greek, Roman, and Hebrew concept of adultery was substantially the same. “The infidelity of the husband did not constitute adultery.”


http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=153


adultery was one of the ten commandments. however fornication was always regarded as wrong, right from the oint where god created adam and eve for each other and no one else.

jesus made this clear anyway and no body seemed to disagree, further emphasizing that it was always intepreted as wrong.

It is true though that adultery is regarded as worse than simple fornication.


Aha - Now call me naive, but I never did understand the concept of fornication until now.  It's a strange word. When I was at school, I heard the word in a sermon, and I gazed up at the ceiling imagining that the intricate cornices on the ceiling were what he was talking about but couldn't see anything wrong with it - probably a confusion with cornication, but I gather that that particular word has more of a connotation of cleaning the (f) pipes with a cob of buttered niblets.

From my teens onwards, I just thought it meant sex. However, now that I am elucidated, I understand that Bill could have said -

"I never had sex with that woman - I fornicated with her of course, but  it was just a bit of minor tobacco-related (possibly blaming the Cuban influence for some added sympathy) immorality rather than adulterous sex"

fornication [ˌfɔːnɪˈkeɪʃən]
n
1. voluntary sexual intercourse outside marriage
2. (Law) Law voluntary sexual intercourse between two persons of the opposite sex, where one is or both are unmarried
3. (Christian Religious Writings / Bible) Bible sexual immorality in general, esp adultery
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Re: Sprints Interperetation of a Bible story ........
Reply #9 - Feb 24th, 2010 at 3:33pm
 
I'd take this story at its face value:

Don't criticize others until you've perfected yourself.

Of course, everyone here does this, so I shouldn't need to write it down.
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Re: Sprints Interperetation of a Bible story ........
Reply #10 - Feb 27th, 2010 at 1:03am
 
As an eight year old, my interpretation of a "bad woman" was one that might bite your apendage instead of sucking it.
Not much has changed.




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Re: Sprints Interperetation of a Bible story ........
Reply #11 - Feb 27th, 2010 at 2:16am
 

Well, she'ld be pretty bad.

i imagine all guys would agree with your interpertation there amadd Smiley
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Re: Sprints Interperetation of a Bible story ........
Reply #12 - Feb 27th, 2010 at 2:48pm
 
Sprint's interpretation is over-elaborate twaddle. People, aside from christians who are all masters of hypocricy, know they aren't perfect i.e. have sinned. No need to spell out the sins!

Needless then to mention most back then were illiterate!
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Re: Sprints Interperetation of a Bible story ........
Reply #13 - Feb 27th, 2010 at 4:27pm
 

feel free to add you own onterperetation of the story darwin.

yes, most people then were illiterate.
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