Aah speet on your haka, you feelthy Kiwi peegs


So let’s get this straight. New Zealand teams can perform a ritualised tribal war dance before sporting contests, complete with throat-slitting gesture,. But if the opposition has the temerity to encroach upon them, that’s unacceptable.


Worse than unacceptable. It’s a protocol breach apparently deserving of a $15,000 fine, which is the amount rugby’s governing body the IRB plans on slugging the French.

Prior to Sunday’s Rugby World Cup final, the All Blacks assumed their usual formation for their customary bout of tongue-wagging, eyeball popping and general silliness, culminating in the delightfully family-friendly act of throat-slitting.

The French weren’t taking that lying down, and advanced upon the All Blacks in a V formation. Good on them. They neither stole the show nor stopped it. It was just their way of saying “we’re not passive spectators here”, just as they turned out to be anything but passive spectators in the desperately close final, which they probably should have won.

Fact is, the All Blacks have performed the haka unchallenged for too long. No one denies it is both a brilliant piece of theatre and a perfectly noble way of honouring the Maori heritage which underpins so much of New Zealand rugby, and indeed so much of New Zealand culture.

But that doesn’t mean other teams deserve no right of reply.