falah
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The Quran warns against harming the wife:
"...Do not retain them (your wives) to harm them...(Quran, 2:231)" "And among God's signs is this: He created for you mates from amongst yourselves that you might find tranquillity and peace in them. And he has put love and kindness among you. Herein surely are signs for those who reflect. (Quran 30:21)"
Prophet Muhammed, on numerous occasions, warned people to be kind towards their women, and he warned people against acting out of anger:
"He who believes in God and the Hereafter…act kindly towards the women!” (collected in The Authentic of Muslim)"
"The strong is not the one who overcomes the people by his strength, but the strong is the one who controls himself while in anger. (Collected in The Authentic of Bukhari,"
"....Umar (companion of the prophet) said: 'The Prophet forbade beating (anyone) on the face.' (Collected in The Authentic of Bukhari)"
Muhammed Salih al-Munajjid, one of the pre-eminent modern scholars of Islam, writes about the treatment of wives in Islam thus:
“…The Quran enjoins good treatment of one's wife: she is to be honoured and treated kindly, even when one no longer feels love in one's heart towards her. God says:
"live with them (wives) on a footing of kindness and equity. If ye take a dislike to them it may be that ye dislike a thing, and God brings about through it a great deal of good.” (interpretation of Quran, 4:19)
2 – The Quran explains that women have rights over their husbands, just as their husbands have rights over them. God says:
“And they (women) have rights (over their husbands as regards to living expenses, sexual needs, companionship, etc.) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards to rights such as obedience and respect) to what is reasonable, but men have a degree (of responsibility) over them. And God is All-Mighty, All-Wise” (interpretation of the Quran, 2:228)
The Prophet (peace and blessings of God be upon him) enjoined kind treatment and honouring of one’s wife, and he described the best of people as those who are best to their wives. He said: “The best of you are those who are the best to their wives, and I am the best of you to my wives.”(Collected by al-Tirmidhi and by classed as authentic by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi)
The Prophet (peace and blessings of God be upon him) spoke beautiful words concerning kind treatment of one’s wife, stating that when the husband feeds his wife and puts a morsel of food in her mouth, he earns the reward of doing an act of charity. He said, “You never spend anything but you will be rewarded (by God) for it, even the morsel of food that you lift to your wife’s mouth.”(Collected in The Authentic of al-Bukhaari and in The Authentic of Muslim)
And he (peace and blessings of God be upon him) said: “Fear God with regard to women, for you have taken them as a trust from God…”
The premise that a wife can be beaten to force her to have sex is incorrect. The Quran tells how a man can treat a rebellious and disloyal wife. The first step is verbal admonition. The second is leaving the marital bed. If the Quran was referring to cases of denial of sex, why would it advise to leave the marital bed?
Obviously, these guidelines are for general cases of disloyalty and rebelliousness – not for the denial of sex.
As for the beating, which should be used only as a last resort, Islamic scholars have said it should be a light hit which causes no injury. Some scholars said that it should not even cause pain...
In fact, although the Quran permits a man to beat his wife in extreme circumstances, many of the great scholars of Islam, including Imam Shafi’ee advised against it, and even Prophet Muhammed is reported as having advised against it:
Narrated by Mu'awiyah al-Qushayri: "I went to the Prophet of God (blessings and peace be upon him) and asked him: What do you say (command) about our wives? He replied: Give them food what you have for yourself, and clothe them…and do not beat them, and do not revile them.” (collected in The Sunan of Abu-Dawud)"
Muhammed Salih al-Munajjid, explains the Quranic permission to beat the wife:
“(as for the Quranic verse)…“As to those women on whose part you see ill conduct, admonish them (first), (next) refuse to share their beds, (and last) beat them (lightly, if it is useful); but if they return to obedience, seek not against them means (of annoyance). Surely, God is Ever Most High, Most Great” [Quran, 4:34]
If a woman rebels against her husband and disobeys his commands, then he should follow this method of admonishing her, forsaking her in bed and hitting her. Hitting is subject to the condition that it should not be harsh or cause injury. Al-Hasan al-Basri (the great scholar of Islam) said: “this means that it should not cause pain.”
‘Ata’ said: I said to Ibn ‘Abbaas [a companion of Prophet Muhammed], what is the kind of hitting that is not harsh (that is enjoined in the Quran)? He said, “Hitting with a siwak and the like. [A siwak is a small twig used for cleaning the teeth]”
The purpose behind this is not to hurt or humiliate the woman, rather it is intended to make her realize that she has transgressed against her husband’s rights, and that her husband has the right to set her straight and discipline her.”
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