Karen Herrick khe32538@bigpond.net.au
9:25 AM (9 hours ago)

to undisclosed recipients
" France has neither winter nor summer nor
morals. Apart from these drawbacks it is a fine country.
France has usually been governed by prostitutes."
--Mark Twain


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"I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French
one behind me."
--General George S. Patton


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"Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your
accordion."

--Norman Schwartzkopf


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"We can stand here like the French, or we can do something about it."

--Marge Simpson

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"As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure."
--Jacques Chirac, President of France

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"As far as France is concerned, you're right."

--Rush Limbaugh

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"The only time France wants us to go to war is when the German Army is
sitting in Paris sipping coffee!"

--Regis Philbin


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"You know, the French remind me a little bit of an aging actress of
the 1940s who was still trying to dine out on her looks but doesn't have
the face for it."

-- John McCain , U.S . Senator from Arizona

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"The last time the French asked for 'more proof' it came marching into
Paris under a German flag"

--David Letterman

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"War without France would be like ... World War II."
--Unknown

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"The favorite bumper sticker in Washington D.C. right now is one that
say s 'First Iraq , then France ..'"
--Tom Brokaw

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"What do you expect from a culture and a nation that exerted more of
its national will fighting against Disney World and Big Macs than the
Nazis?"
--Dennis Miller

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"It is important to remember that the French have always been there
when they needed us."

--Alan Kent

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"Somebody was telling me about the French Army rifle that was being
advertised on eBay the other day -- the description was, Never shot.
Dropped once.'"
--Rep. Roy Blunt, MO



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"The French will only agree to go to war when we've proven we've found

truffles in Iraq "

--Dennis Miller


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Q. What did the mayor of Paris say to the German Army as they entered
the city in WWII?

A. Table for 100,000 m'sieur?

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"Do you know how many Frenchmen it takes to defend Paris ?

It's not known, it's never been tried."
--Rep. R. Blount, MO

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"Do you know it only took Germany three days to conquer France in
WWII?
And that's because it was raining."

--John Xereas, Manag! er, DC Improv


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The AP and UPI reported that the French Government announced after the

London bombings that it has raised its terror alert level from Run to
Hide.
The only two higher levels in France are Surrender and Collaborate.
The rise in the alert level was precipitated by a recent fire which
destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively disabling their
military.


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French Ban Fireworks at Euro Disney (AP), Paris , March 5, 2003 == The

French Government announced today that it is imposing a ban on the use
of  fireworks at Euro Disney. The decision comes the day after a nightly
fireworks display at the park, located just 30 miles outside of Paris ,
caused the soldiers at a nearby French Army garrison to surrender to a
group of Czech tourists.


JFK'S Secretary of State, Dean Rusk, was in France in the early 60's when DeGaulle decided to pull out of NATO.
DeGaulle said he wanted all US military out of France as soon as possible. Rusk responded "Does that include those who are buried here?"

You could have
Heard a pin drop

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There was a conference in France where a number of international engineers were taking part, including French and American. During a break, one of the French engineers came back into the room saying 'Have you heard the latest dumb stunt Bush has done? He has sent an aircraft carrier to Indonesia to help the tsunami victims. What does he intended to do, bomb them?'

A Boeing engineer stood up and replied quietly:

'Our carriers have three hospitals on board that can treat several hundred people; they are nuclear powered and can supply Emergency electrical power to shore facilities; they have three cafeterias with the capacity to feed 3,000 people three meals a day, They can produce several thousand gallons of fresh water from sea water each day, and they carry half a dozen helicopters for use in transporting victims and injured to and from their flight deck.
We have eleven such ships; how many does France have?'

You could have
Heard a pin drop.

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A Royal Navy Admiral was attending a naval conference that included Admirals from the U.S. , English, Canadian, Australian and French Navies. At a cocktail reception, he found himself standing with a large group of Officers that included personnel from most of
those countries. Everyone was chatting away in English as they sipped their  drinks but a French admiral suddenly complained that, whereas Europeans learn many languages, the English learn only English. He then asked, 'Why is it that we always have to speak English in these conferences rather than
speaking French?'

Without hesitating, the British Admiral replied,

'Maybe it's because the Brit's, Canadians, Aussie's and Americans arranged it so you wouldn't have to speak German.'

You could have
Heard a pin drop.

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AND THIS STORY FITS RIGHT IN
WITH THE ABOVE...

Robert Whiting, an elderly gentleman of 83, arrived in Paris by plane. At French Customs, he took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry on.

"You have been to France before,
monsieur?"
the customs officer asked sarcastically.

Mr. Whiting admitted that he had been to France previously.

"Then you should know enough to have your passport ready."

The Englishman said,

'The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it."

"Impossible. You English always have to show your passports on arrival in France !"

The English senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look. Then he quietly explained,

''Well, when I came ashore at Gold Beach on D-Day in 1944 to help liberate this country, I couldn't find a single Frenchmen to show a passport to."

You could have
Heard a pin drop.



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