This report puts it into perspective.
By Justin Shaw
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Here we go…
The Australian Olympic team unveiled their uniforms for the London Olympics the other night (I would put a link here but a flock of geese just flew within eight kilometres of the CBD so my connection dropped out again).
What I can tell you is this: ABC News did a lovely Adidas commercial with our Chef de Mission, Nick Green, who seemed quite chuffed with the number of sponsor's talking points he was able to get out in such a short time until his interlocutor kindly pointed out that Adidas are also supplying uniforms to our traditional rivals Great Britain so where's the advantage (other than free advertising on the national broadcaster)?
I can also tell you that our Table Tennis team will go with the revolutionary ensemble of shorts and a T-shirt, our swimmers aren't happy (no mention of that in the interview though?) and female Beach Volleyball competitors will no longer have to leap around like extras in Revenge Of The Horny Teenager Bachelor Party College Bikini Competition Gusset-Fest III.
Oh good my internet lasted long enough for another fifteen Viagra emails (I really need it, what with all the Russian brides declaring their love for me), but not long enough for me to check the ABC website. Where was I?
I watched the Adidas commercial (sorry, interview) a couple of times this afternoon (after filling in the authorisation forms for access to the office 486 and waiting for my turn at the office phone connection to plug in the 56K modem) and something Mr Green said struck me as, well, troubling, at least for someone like me, who hates the Olympics and government subsidy of anything that isn't me.
Australia is, apparently, aiming (hoping striving driving excelling etc) for a Top Five finish in the medal tally in London. Not just Top Five for Golds, but overall as well, mind you. Why, I wondered?
The answer took as long to come to me as it takes a photon to travel between my laptop screen and my eye - Money. Athletes get bonuses for medals as I suppose in some business models they should, I mean what's the point of being the best in the world at something for a couple of weeks if there's no coin in it?
But what does it really mean for us to finish Top Five? For us, I mean.
Not for our sports ministers, state and federal, not for the bloated ticks at the AOC, not for the hundreds of coaches and performance managers and administrators and bureaucrats who all seem to end up at every major sporting event in plum seats with catering laid on, I mean US, the public who pay for all this?
They keep talking about National Pride and Inspiration and all kinds of other unquantifiables that come out whenever government largesse is involved, be it for sport or the automotive industry, but what does that actually entail?
If there's a bunch of Belgians on my train, am I entitled to run up and say "in your faaaaaace, you triple-languaged European chocolate-monkeys, we got more gold medals than you hahahahahaaa!!!!"?
Do I have to pledge fealty to any US or Chinese citizen I meet? If we do beat Great Britain in the medal tally, am I allowed to go to London and throw a Liquorice Allsorts at the Queen?
What the slow-roasted, triple-glazed bugger does "National Pride", in the context of the medal tally at the world's second-most corrupt sporting event, actually mean?
Do we all hit the office or the shop floor the morning after watching an Australian gold medal and work harder or smarter? Do we produce anything quicker, do we suddenly innovate and diversify and become a "smart" economy?
Do we, come July, bask in the glow of all "our" gold medals and suddenly do something about the national skills shortage or find beds for all the Australians who are living in garbage bins?
Does a decent public transport system spring from the well of gold that the AOC drilled for us?
Do we suddenly live up to our potential as human beings and storm parliament, demanding that government and opposition alike do something other than mug for the cameras, pork-barrel and dog-whistle their way through the three-year election campaign that passes for a parliamentary term?
All this talk of "national pride" is just a way for parasitic sports administrators to blackmail governments at all levels to keep them on the gravy train: if you don't give us the moneys you is UnOrstrayan.
I've worked for and with various arms of government for a long time and the incongruity of sport funding as opposed to every government department (except sport) is glaring: a hospital meets its target and the government says "nice work, you can do it with less money next year". If the hospital doesn't meet its target, it's told to do more with less money next year, because it's obviously not trying hard enough.
The Olympics though, work on a win/win scenario: make the Top Five and they get bonuses (not just the athletes but, and to a much larger degree, the organisations that live off them) to encourage them to Keep Up The Good Work.
Miss out on a Top Five finish however and there's no stick, just more carrot: they yelp and squeal and shout "UnOrstrayan" long and loud enough and are handed more of our dollars because National Pride demands that they be given anything and everything they need to restore National Pride because National Pride and photo ops for the Minister.
There's nothing to cheer for this year, I'm afraid.
If our Olympic team does indeed make the Top Five, that means more of our dollars to John Coates and his cronies.
A "failure" in the medal tally on the other hand means we will still up the funding (at the expense of mental health, infrastructure that's needed for things other than propping up a local member or any of the other billion things that governments used to do), we just have to listen to more self-important, entitled, grasping for it.
Faster, higher, longer, more parasitic. The Best of The Pests.
http://www.abc.net.au/unleashed/3923182.html
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