Child-rearing as a blood sport:

I say that as a book once, and I never understood till I was a parent, and then didn't the Little Darlings educate me about it?

"The most amazing thing about kids is that any of them survive childhood!

  If the there's something they shouldn't touch, they'll hug it.
  If there's something you treasure, they'll fold, bend or mutilate it. Or hide it!
  If there's somewhere they shouldn't go, they'll build a fort there.
From your favourite book to the best spot in the garden to plant Tulips, the rug-rats will have left their calling cards. They torment you, make you cry, laugh till you can't breath, they'll embarrass you endlessly, and all with that exquisite sense of timing that they seem to be born with!
Here's a chance to lighten that load, to spread the wealth as it were, share your tales of darling-do's.
       So, are we all sitting fore-square on our botties? I shall begin:-

My eldest is 8yrs ahead of the next in line, I married his Single-Mum when he was but 18mths old. I like to tell him that the youngsters benefited from how much he taught me about being a Dad, and that's true too. Then, when their mother left them with me to raise alone he became my side-kick, my support, my right-hand man, and we both enjoyed that. BUT, I never let myself forget he was still a kid, and didn't miss a chance to let him have his fun.

   His birthday is on the 13th, and by chance his 13th B'day fell on a Friday, so he asked if he could have his mates over for a sleep-over and hire all the Friday the 13th movies to watch? It was too cool to refuse, but then he asked if they could have the house to themselves, could I take the sproggs away and come back the next day. Fair enough, Quoth I. My then g/f had been asking me to sleepover at hers anyway so that was an easy fix, she had a couple of littles too.
   I left the contact details with the neighbours just in case, no fool I, and sure enough, 3.30 am and there's the call.
    "Better come home fast, there's cops here"! Yoiks!
   I wasn't far away and it took but minutes too arrive, and there was my little man, captured in the police spotlight, up on the flamin' roof with his mates, all 13 of them! at 3.30a,bl**dy M!
  My lad had a CB radio and they'd been chatting to some truckies out on the Nullabor, so decided to scale the heights for better reception, and once one went up...well, you know boys, lol. The cops were understanding, parents all, and we lived in a country town so things were generally relaxed. What a fright, what a sight, like a flock of starlings along the roof-ridge, in their jammies of course, eyes wide and giggling, and WHAT a memorable B'day for my boy! It was the talk of the school, and the whole town, for days afterwards, and you can just imagine how a 13yr old boy felt about that!
    Lapped it up, the sod, Mr Popular, and girls following him home after school, he was in heaven. 

      Then there was the time I sprang the little ones behind the couch, drawing industriously on the walls, they were 3&4 at the time. I hauled out the couch and explained as best I could that that wasn't a good thing to do, that they had plenty of drawing paper in their room and only had to ask for more if they wanted it. Then we sat together and scrubbed it off, all's well that ends well thought I. Yeah, right, should have known, hey?
     Sure enough, two days later and all is quiet, too quiet, so I wander around seeking them. Ah-Ha, giggles from...behind the couch!
        And there they were, drawing a sequential picture story on the wall, about being caught drawing on the wall, and they proudly led me through the tale, they'd just got to the point where we'd cleaned it. 
What could I possibly SAY?

So, care to share?   
 

Lord Herbert wrote on Apr 28^th, 2014 at 8:19am:


You should see what a pair of tame goats that believe they're part of the family can do to you!
  They learnt to open doors to the house, and loved getting into and on top of cars, seeing one sitting in the driver's seat, hoofs stuck in the steering wheel, ya had to be there, lol. They also enjoyed getting on the trampoline with my Fiddlers Three, that was spectacularly hilarious, I had a video of it but the ankle-biters accidentally taped over it, curse them. 

   I am a tad disappointed, I figured most here would have some funny tales to share and was looking forward to a few giggles, oh well, che sera 

austranger wrote on Apr 28^th, 2014 at 2:53pm:


I can relate to that, although I never had a visit from family services. I didn't like inflicting pain on my children - so logic was used for discipline and it didn't always work.

One night I had finally got a break and the children were settled comfortably watching their favourite program and then the tormenting started. This wasn't uncommon. One would touch the other one a little too hard on the leg - and of course the other one would do the same, but harder and then it would build up until the youngest who usually started it, would be screaming in rage, pain or whatever.

I lost it one night, when reasoning failed and the noise had built up to a deafening crescendo, so rolled a newspaper up and gave them a few whacks on the legs. They found it entertaining which wasn't my objective, but they ended up laughing instead of crying.

It wasn't a permanent fix and I endured years of their squabbling, but I learnt to tune out, unless someone actually got hurt.

Children can be a lot of fun when they're young. Pity they usually change when they're in their mid teens.

Still if you end up with grandchildren, you can enjoy it all over again - that's if you've still got the stamina.

mantra wrote on May 7^th, 2014 at 5:21pm:


I have no children, but I read from time to time how kids go off the rails.

There was a TV show about unruly kids who the parents would send all over the world to live for a couple of weeks with families who would give them discipline.

My brother's second wife's granddaughter was like this. I knew her as a toddler, and later in age. Nothing at all wrong with her. Cute kid. No behavioral problems.

And then she just went ... 'bad'. Feral. Abusive and destructive. Pregnant in her mid-teens. Uncontrollable. She totally rejected any kind of authority outside of herself.

It was an incredible transition.