IsLame is the one true religion.

Alahoolahoop Crackbar wrote it down with a feather and a bowel of ink.

If you don't convert to IsLame you will be known as the Kahfirburger and you will be beaten into submission with the rod of falafels.

You will be asshumiliated into the IsLame traditions and mighty rituals revolving around rock chucking and making a fool of yourself licking little black stones.

You will be de-porked and that will be replaced with a goatee.

You will grow a beard and become a muslim hipster.

This WILL be your life and you WILL do as you are told.

You will report anyone else that is happy to your local Mosk and your children WILL attend an IsLamek Mairdressa.

You will be supplied with a cuckooran and you WILL suck it up through the moo slime pipe.