Lord Herbert wrote on Nov 1
st, 2015 at 11:55am:
It was good of you to tell us your story, Lisa. Well done and thank you.
I'm of the generation which had a 'decent' length of time for the engagement, and there was no sex on the first date as with your generation.
A chaste kiss on the cheek was all there was for the first dozen dates.
'Heavy petting' only arrived a few weeks before the actual wedding.
The 'Wedding Night' really was the first time they lay down together in the same bed, albeit there was no sex because by then the groom had drunk far too much.
For the first 10 years the couple avoided having children while they saved up for a deposit on their own home.
Eventually, with his job secure and the house on a mortgage - the wife would then have her first baby.
Planned ... orderly ... patient ... and one step at a time.
There were no 'Single Mothers' in those days until the kids were in their teens. It took that long for the husband to change his habits and become an alcoholic.
Women in those days didn't marry alcoholics like they do today.
Herb.
1. We European girls are taught to abide by and respect our traditional cultural/religious values.
2. As such, we are expected to be virgin brides.
3. I was a virgin bride in her early 20's.
4. NB. I rebelled in that I had a few boyfriends before....but there was no sex, just a few dates and I had to be home by 9 pm.
5. NB I had no dad, just a widowed mum. And I was the eldest....so I really had no one to talk to about what was going on in my marriage.
6. Things were bad from the get go....ie my honeymoon. My body was covered in bruises within 24 hrs.....and I was teased and intimidated by my new husband for being a virgin and as such....for not knowing that such bruising during sex was normal.
Ok?
That was how my 1st marriage STARTED.
I was out of there within 6 yrs......and they were the longest years of my life. I was exhausted....both emotionally and physically.
And throughout the entire time.....my family offered no moral support because they were too busy being judgmental. Instituting divorce proceedings goes against our traditional cultural and Christian values. It's just not done. You stick it out.. .until the situation is fixed.
The last month of my marriage.....was pure hell.
I found a hidden life insurance policy he had taken out on me. And he caught me reading it.
Anyway...a lot of dreadful things happened infront of our little kids. That upset me heaps.
So I tried to negotiate with him to abuse me after the kids had gone to sleep ....pref in the wine cellar so no one could hear.
Things got even worse. I really had no choice but to run for my life and save myself and the kids.
If I stuck around...I'd be dead.
I knew I needed to stay alive for my little ones (now teenagers).
And I clearly remember the day I looked in the bathroom mirror, saw my hair (cut very short so he couldn't tear at it)....looked at even more bruises on my arms from where he had picked me up and had thrown me about...and I made the decision to choose life over tradition, culture and religion. Why? Because my 2 kids were worth it.
And that's it.
I had a lot of guts to take on that ex husband/lawyer of a beast in court....and to take on my culture and religion at the same time.
But I did it...and I've never looked back.
I've recovered all my economic losses....and am doing well.
Now Herb.....about single mothers.
We're all different. Don't you think?
Just bringing the topic back on track.
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