The Honourable Tony Abbott has issued an urgent press release to inform Australians everywhere that he has accepted a new title, bestowed by his own esteemed self, as Prime Minister at Large.
Mr Abbott, a former journalist, said there was ample precedent for such a title.
Former editors of newspapers who have returned from a toilet break only to discover their desk, telephone, secretary and computer terminal have unaccountably disappeared have on occasion been able to wrangle the marvellous title Editor at Large from their employers, he pointed out.
Such a title had traditionally entitled them to write long and often anguished columns and to recount tales of the golden age at longer lunches at the company expense, sometimes for years.
Mr Abbott, currently ensconced at Table One in the Ivy Club, London, promised to uphold and enhance the convention.
"I fully intend to use my new position judiciously and in the best interests of my country, my people and Kevin Andrews," Mr Abbott said in his first statement as Prime Minister at Large.
"The fact is that the person currently occupying my office is doing nothing but spending his days flicking through my diary to learn how it's done. I fear he is not up to it.
"Therefore I will, as my position and my party and indeed my country all demand, campaign for my policies and those of Eric Abetz through this trying time. It's the least I can do for the person who imagines he is in charge of things and who has stolen all my best ideas."
Mr Abbott said he wouldn't have chosen to take the nation to an early double dissolution election, and was disappointed that the Governor-General, General Sir Peter Cosgrove, had agreed to recall the Senate to get things going.
"Peter was my first knight, even before Philip, the Duke," he said. "I admit it now - Cosgrove was a misjudgment.
"As to the double dissolution, really, there is enough disillusionment already without doubling it," he said.
"Why, my own heart is broken, though I don't wish to harp. It's very hard being me, sometimes. Often, really. I just have to hide it and carry on for the sake of all."
Mr Abbott said his office door would be open to anyone wishing to confide their lack of confidence in the current interloper. He would be happy to pass on their concerns to anyone who would listen.
"I'm just doing my bit," he said.
Read more:
http://www.theage.com.au/federal-politics/political-opinion/the-hon-tony-abbott-...
Forum
Pages: 1 
