Valkie wrote on Dec 5
th, 2021 at 6:10pm:
Poor tiny troll rhino is scared of valkie?
Coward he is.
And his comments are always gibberish.
It's sad he cannot put swords together so that they make sense.
I dont know if you are a coward or not, I personally think its a bullsh1t word, like heroes. people who avoid violence are smart in my opinion. Ive come across people I wouldnt want to challenge either, but I dont challenge people generally, if Im challenged I stand my ground. Im not a hero, Im not a coward, Im just a person. Stupid bullsh1t words. I deride you because of your constant need to present yourself as some sort of tough guy, who cares mate. I have lived a life of violence, Ive gone weeks without sleep where I want to stick a knife in my skull and gouge out the memories. And theres nothing you can do, pills dont work, I need to be mentally and physically exhausted to sleep, and I dont sleep, I collapse. Hyper vigilance prevents it, and man I cry. I cry every day, many times a day sometimes, I cry for my lost child and friends and I cry for the people I couldnt help. I cried sitting in traffic today. 2 years ago I lost Ben, he was newly married and committed suicide, I spoke to him 2 days before, he seemed ok, i was thinking about catching up with him, when I think about it later, he was reaching out, and I missed it. Ive lost a number of colleagues and friends this way. Im not tough Valkie/Mechanic , whoever the f you want to call yourself, you are right. I dont know what tough is, I know how to deal with violence but that doesnt make me tough, It makes me weak. I couldnt kill anyone. The older I get the weaker I get, sometimes i experience severe anxiety, its from fight or flight I cant turn off. I spent an hour yesterday pacing up and down the lounge room like a dog in cage. My wife leaves me alone when Im like that, the effect on her is also what I cry about. The psyche told me I have it for life, the only thing they have is anti depressants , my child was on anti depressants. Violence isnt fun or glamorous and hero is an over used word if it means anything. Im broken and Im tired. I dont normally watch movies ,I dont have the attention span, thats what it does to you, I havent been able to read a book all the way though for years. There is no joie da vivre for me. I barely cope. People look at me in public and turn away, they are scared of what they see. And I dont like crowds and I dont like people. Go ahead be whatever you want, but be careful what you wish for.
One thing is indisputable. You are honest.
That was worth reading.
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