Sodom And Gomorrah Set To Host 2028 Olympics
WORLD — In keeping with the Olympics' commitment to sexual violence and Satan worship, the International Olympic Committee announced today that the 2028 games would be held in the towns of Sodom and Gomorrah.
"They're a natural fit for us," explained Olympic Committee director Max Durgen. "Violent sexual debauchery forced upon unsuspecting visitors? Check. Openly mocking the Lord God? Check. They'll be hard pressed to top Paris, but I think they're up to the task."
According to sources, the Olympic Committee has sought to ensure that fun games between nations meant to promote peace and friendship also destroy the innocence of any children who might be watching. "
If you're not sexualizing a little kid who's just trying to watch his country's swim team, what are you even doing?" asked marketing chair Steph Reginald. "Everyone needs to see Jesus mocked when they're wanting to watch gymnastics, and that mockery must include visible testicles. It's what the Olympics are all about, and that's why Sodom and Gomorrah will be the perfect host cities."After years of being a pariah over their history of sexual violence, Sodom and Gomorrah have seen a dramatic change in fortune over the past decade. "People have really come around," said Sodom mayor Bangs Magill. "We're really excited to welcome so many visitors, and show them that famous Sodom hospitality we're known for."
At publishing time, France had decided to give Sodom a run for its money by doing a closing ceremony featuring a live virgin sacrifice to Beelzebub.
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Here is the complete list of new events for the 2024 Summer Olympic Games:
Synchronized Surrendering: A beautiful French tradition going back millennia.
Women's armpit hair growing: Gross.
Shotput the homo off the roof: France's new migrant population has them in real position to challenge Iran.
Freestyle losing to Hitler and waiting for America to save us: France once again the heavy favorite.
100-meter Jew chasing: A lot like the 100m dash, but with the added element of chasing down Jews.
Downhill luge away from the suicide bomber: Motivating.
Team not showering: Why, France?
Cross country being obnoxious and pretending like you don't understand English: Might as well give France the gold right now.