trump can riff on a topic with humor

the cadaver cannot

i predict gavin newsome will take over before any debate is held

aquascoot wrote on Jun 18^th, 2024 at 5:30am:


I know. His bleach-injecting riff was a real hoot, as was his recent shark gig. Of course, the crowd weren't so much rolling in the aisles as wondering what the hell he was talking about, but I'm curious.

What will you say when your predictions is proven false?

Bobby. wrote on Jun 18^th, 2024 at 6:27am:


He can't, Bobby. Now we know. He'll pay up his autocue bills and be good about it, because after his shark gig, he needs that screen like never before.

By the way, his audience were leaving in droves. I'm not sure they came to listen to him krap on about how smart he is because his uncle was a professor at MIT, but that's just me.

Now, answer the question. When did you become completely and utterly farmed?

We'll need a date please.

With the first 2024 presidential debate right around the corner, the public is eager to find out what topics will be covered and what questions the CNN moderators will ask the candidates.

Fortunately, The Babylon Bee has obtained the following leaked list of debate questions for the upcoming CNN presidential debate:

"Which of President Trump's crimes should he be executed for?" — With so many to choose from, this will be an important opportunity for each candidate to show wisdom.

"Are you a convicted felon?" — Only candidates who answer "no" will be allowed to stay in the race.

"If you were on a boat with a giant battery and the boat started to sink and there were sharks in the water, would you stay on the boat and risk electrocution or jump in the water and risk a shark attack?" — Just like Abraham Lincoln and John Breckinridge were asked in 1860.

"Please demonstrate your fitness for being president by standing perfectly still with your arms stiffly to the side and staring blankly ahead." — Biden has reportedly been practicing his response to this question for years.

"What's the most illegal thing you've ever done, and don't worry, you totally won't be indicted for it?" — Clearly an unbiased question intended to elicit honest and relatable answers and not in any way a trap for any specific candidate.

"Mr. Trump, why are you such a loser?" — The voters deserve to know.

"How many Pearl Harbors and 9/11s does it take to equal one Jan 6?" — A simple mathematical question that will establish the gravity of the worst day in human history.

"On a scale of 1 to 10, rate your daughter." — Only the creepiest of answers will suffice.

"Who shot first, Han or Greedo?" — One of the most important questions of our time.

"This question is for Trump. Why are you the literal personification of evil on planet Earth?" — Any professional journalistic organization would ask this question.

"Follow-up question for Biden. How ya doin' pal?" — Elected officials have to face tough questions.

"President Biden? Hello? Can you hear us, sir?" — Quick, cut to a commercial break! Here's a word from our sponsors!

If the questions above are any indication, the nation is in for the most fair and impartial presidential debate of all time.

WASHINGTON, D.C. — With the presidential race heating up for the summer campaign season, the White House asked migrants to hold off on raping and murdering any more Americans until after the election.

As more and more incidents of violent criminal acts perpetrated by migrants have drawn attention to the Biden administration's immigration policies, Karine Jean-Pierre politely asked migrants to wait until after the November election before carrying out any more horrific rapes and murders.

"We'd really appreciate it," said the gay and black White House Press Secretary who is black and gay. "While we understand that many of you are eager to continue raping and murdering American citizens, we do ask that you wait until after November 5 to do any more. We thank you for your patience."

Though public outrage continued to mount as more violent acts made news headlines across the country, Jean-Pierre emphasized the need for discretion while the election played out. "Everyone likes to make summer plans," she said. "But we hope our incoming migrants can understand the importance of postponing their raping and murdering plans until the election is over. Otherwise, they may end up actually facing consequences for their actions, and none of us want that to happen."

When asked whether migrants who commit violent crimes would face any repercussions if Biden is re-elected, Jean-Pierre pulled the fire alarm and evacuated the building.

At publishing time, White House officials informed incoming migrants that for every vote for Joe Biden they cast in November, they would be allowed to commit one free heinous act against an innocent American citizen.

Frank wrote on Jun 22^nd, 2024 at 4:55pm:

Quote:


Don't be so rude to cadavers k.  I suspect that there are more neurons firing in the brains of a decomposing cadavers then there have ever been in Frank's brain.