The perfect callIn Washington, it's a much-awaited call. The US prez has just had a televised public meeting with the Ukrainian prez, which did not go well. Washington have been planning the Kremlin call for weeks. The Leader of the free world has been promising peace, and only he can deliver it. He originally planned to stop the war on Day One, but got distracted. This time for sure.
In Ukraine, the Russians have stepped up the bombardment, sending missiles and drones into Kiev. Apartment blocks are being bombed. Civilians are being hunted down in the streets by drones. The hospitals are filling up with men, women and children being brought in on stretchers.
In the Oval Office, the US prez sits at the Resolute Desk and waits on the line to the Kremlin. His Vice President and Secretary of State are standing next to him. The big fella's valet Walt hovers in the room off to the side, there in case they need anything. A team of interpreters are on the speaker phone on another line. They wait.
Over in Moscow, Vlad is wrapping up a TV interview with Alexander Shokin, head of the
Russian Union of Industrialists and Entrepreneurs. In the audience, Vlad's ministers and advisors sit in the front row, the TV lights bright and hot. It's prime-time evening TV, Russian style, where the people get to see their Leader and his officials in action. Taking questions, dispensing justice, making the tough calls.
So, Alexander says, looking at his watch, given you have an important call scheduled with Donald Trump at 6pm, according to Peskov....
The Russian TV cameras cut to Peskov, Vlad's Press Secretary, who pretends to wipe sweat from his collar. It's already well past 6pm. Their Leader is keeping the American president waiting. They're actually starting to worry about it.
Oh? Vlad says, and shrugs. Don't listen to him, Vlad says, he's just doing his job.
Well, Alexander says, giving Vlad a wink, we'll see what Trump makes of it. We all know how much he likes doing interviews.
They don't need a laugh track. The audience always knows when to laugh.
No no, Vlad says, I didn't mean Trump, I was referring to Peskov.
The audience laughs even harder. They love watching Dear Leader turn up the heat on his underlings. What their president is really saying is how much fun he's having hanging out with the Russian people, he doesn't have time to meet with the American president. He's got all the time in the world. What a great leader!
What Alexander doesn't say is that, as one of the executives of RT, he's also worried about pushing the nightly news back another half-hour in some time zones, eating into the ad space.
Whether Vlad knows this or not, he's having so much fun, he decides to keep entertaining them a bit longer.
Dear Leader loves joking around with Alexander and getting his ministers nervous. While it's generally must-see TV, it can be a bit hammy too, like watching Ricky Ricardo and Lucy having a spat during one of their Cuban night club acts. It's a bit of fun.
As the camera cuts back to Vlad, Peskov wishes Sergey Lavrov was here. As the Foreign Minister, Vlad's jibes about Trump would be directed at him.
In the Oval Office, the big fella's starting to get bored. JD gives him a half-hearted back massage. Little Marco looks at his phone. Mr Trump breaks the silence first. What time is it in Moscow?
Marco doesn't look up. Seven hours ahead.
The interpreter comes through on the speaker phone. 18.40 hours, Sir.
Maybe he's in the war room, Mr Trump says.
No one answers.
Back in Moscow, the credits are rolling. Another successful performance by Dear Leader and his men. Vlad gets up, has one last joke with Alexander, who laughs excessively until he gets the all-clear from the floor manager. Peskov approaches Dear Leader, rolling his eyes. Showbiz...
Vlad leads his team to the elevator, then down to the carpark. Once in, an FSB agent closes the door of Vlad's limousine, talks into his walkie talkie and gives the signal to leave. Outside the basement carpark, the police motorcyclists hit their sirens. The electric gate opens, the black SUVs exit first, followed by the President's limousine with the flags on the front. They lead the motorcade into the cool Moscow night.
Back in the Oval Office, the big fella presses his red button. Walt comes in with one glass of Diet Coke and a paper napkin, places it on the Resolute Desk. Nobody says anything. Something's been getting at the big fella.
Hey, he says to little Marco, what the fu
ck are you looking at on that phone? It's
dis-tracting.
Sorry Sir, Marco says. It's RT.
What?
Russia Today. Putin's doing a live interview. They just mentioned you.
Me? What are they saying?
Hang on, I'll put it on speaker. Can the interpreter hear this?
...Da. Yes, Sir.
They listen to Marco's phone.
He is saying, the interpreter says,
don't listen to him, he is just doing a job.Mr Trump's face turns a darker shade of orange. They said that about
me? I am not sure, Sir. It cannot be certain.
What's that supposed to mean?
The, er, studio audience is making some noise. They are... How to say...
What? Marco says.
...Giving applause.
JD sits on a couch, jerking his leg.
The big fella sits at the Resolute Desk, his Diet Coke bubbles floating to the surface.
Sorry, Marco says. Can I get my phone back now?
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